Horny Boys

Sometimes boys disgust me. When boys start flirting with me and attempt to "get somewhere" with me, I like to fuck with their minds, telling them "I know you can't help it, you have a penis."

Jake called me up the other night. Jake is the guy who is 17, went to my school and he's a bit of a sleaze. I wrote about him before; about how he was hitting on me and trying to hook up with me while I was still with Jay. One night he had asked, "So are we going to do anything tonight?" I replied, "No, I have a bf."
He claimed that he REALLY liked me. When I said, "No, you just want to fuck me", he just denied it. But he's a horny teenage boy, I don't believe him. : ) Last time I saw him I had Steve with me. Steve was hanging all over me in front of Jake and you could tell by seeing the look on Jake's face that he was pissed and jealous as a mofo. He had told me that day, "I'm disapointed, disapointed you're with him and not me." (Well, I wasn't "with" Steve, but still.)
Again, so he calls me the other night. I thought it might be Jacob for he has callen me before on Jake's cell phone. But no, it was Jake. He was telling me about how he's liked me since December and he's really been thinking about me a lot lately. I told him, "You just want to fuck me."
Jake replied, "Why do you always say that? I do not!"
Jake asked me to come home that night just to see him. As it'd be about a 4 hour drive, I declined. So then he proposed the idea that we meet halfway. I again shot down that offer. It was almost midnight for one thing, and for another thing, I wouldn't waste my gas on that boy.

I think it's funny how before I just would have loved to have all these boys want me, but right now, I'm getting frustrated by the fact that I can't find a guy who doesn't want to date me. Well, I did find Tony, and he's great. Really, really good friend, and he doesn't persist in trying to be my bf! Joy. : )

On another note, found out today from Jay that he fucked a girl while he was drunk. "Good Story." I texted him. "I still have yet to accomplish that."
He also told me that the best thing about it was that she cheated on her bf by doing that. And I said to him, "I thought you were better than that."

Asshole.

"Don't You Hate Persisent Boys?"

This is what my friend Rachel texted to me today as a reply to a text I sent her. No, I usually do not hate persistent boys, but I have an annoying one right now.

So I'm naive, what's new. I kept pushing off the idea that Abel liked me. Oh boy...yeah. The other night I gave him a ride home. I started to ask him about this girl he had told me about awhile ago who liked him and who wanted to be his gf. He said that nothing had come of it, as he hadn't liked her and so we started talking about relationships. He was talking about how he wants to be in a relationship with someone that he really cares about and such. Then I started talking about how I really don't want to be in a relationship right now cause...I just don't feel like being in one. So then Abel started to make the conversation personal; he started to go on about how when he first met me and found out I had a bf, he had liked me and one of the overnight people he worked with at Target was telling him to talk to me and stuff. He also went on to say about how when I broke up with Jay, he was afraid that I might get back together with him. And then he said, "I thought I'd give you some time." He also talked about other stuff, but with his accent and the way he says things, I couldn't really understand him. I knew it had to do with him liking me though. All of a sudden Abel asks, "So what do you think?"
"What do I think about what?" I asked perplexed.
"About what I said."
"About dating? Like a bf/gf thing?" I asked.
Abel replied, "Yes."
I told Abel aobut how I just don't feel ready to be in a relationship again. He couldn't understand why and there was no real way for me to explain it to him in a way that he'd truly understand. He was upset by this, but I wasn't going to give in. I mean, we really have nothing to talk about and I just feel no attraction to him. So I dropped him off and thought that was it.

Nope.

He called me today. He was talking like normal, asking me how I was and such, and then from nowhere he asks, "So what do you think?"
"What do I think about what?" He hadn't even brought up the topic of dating, though I knew that was what he was getting at.
"About what I said the other night." He replied.
"I already told you."
"You did?"
Ah, I couldn't believe this! I was having to go through this annoying ordeal again! So again I told him that I just don't want a relationship at this time. So then Abel tells me, "Just think about it."
Annoyed with it, I told him I would but it's doubtful that I'd want to.
"I'll wait." He said.
So yeah, he told me that he'd wait as long as he had to. Even when I brought up that he'll probably find another girl by that time, he totally denied that.

Stupid persistent boys.

I Can't Even Go To The Grocery Store

So there's this grocery store called Sentyrz (think of every possible way you could spell "centers" wrong and there you go) that's right by my house. I mean, you walk across the street and you're there. Yesterday I had just got done jogging and so had taken a shower. I was in khakis and a white shirt with my hair down and wet. I had no make-up on and I seriously thought about how I just was not going to attract any attention what-so-ever when I headed over to the store.

Anyway, I'm headed home...haven't walked but maybe like 50 feet from the store and I hear a car honk at me. So, this has happened before, but this time, a white car with a female driver and male passenger pulls up to the side of the road. The guy is just looking me up and down, and does so the whole time he talks to me. "How old are you?" is his first question. I respond that I'm 19. The whole time he's talking to me, I keep assuming that he's going to comment on my age and how I'm dressed, but then I thought that absurd for I was very casually dressed. Damn, I'm so naive. So then he asked what I was doing. "Going home..." I said. "What's your name?" He asked. I told him him name was Liz. "Liz...are you single?" He asked. Oh yeah, I knew where this was going. I told him that I was single and so then he goes, "You mind if I call you sometime?" Without wanting to hurt his feelings and not say yes, I responded, "I'm not looking for anyone right now."

God damn, I can't even go to the grocery store without being harrassed. It's lovely. : )


I'm going to do medical testing. I've called...I'm sending a letter.

Taxes

Anyone know if I have to fill out a Minnesota tax form? I've only been here since August and I'm not a resident...I don't know.

So the weekend has started off well. I spent Thursday and last night with Tony at his place in Uptown. On Thursday it was me, Tony and Ross hanging out; we just sat around at Tony's drinking beer until Ross decided he was really hungry and so we set out to Lunds to buy a pizza for him. The next day Tony took me out for breakfast/lunch and we had another nice chat about nothing in particular. Last night I went to Tony's and he had me watch The Red Dragon after he learned that I hadn't yet seen it. A very good movie I must say. And now here I am trying to figure out how to do my taxes.

Growing up is stupid.

But that's not something too interesting to discuss, or at least it doesn't interest me to write about it right now.

I'm really enjoying the time I spend with Tony. No, I do not have a crush on him or anything, but he's just a really cool guy. What's extra cool is the fact that I really didn't see him and I becoming as good of friends as we are becoming. I can tell that I really interest him as a person and that he truly values our friendship. It's lovely, it is.

Ian got me the new Beck cd as a late birthday gift. I picked it up yesterday and have listened to it a few times. Though the lyrics are still a bit "out there" at times, the sound of it just sounds a little more mature. It still carries that "little boy fun" to it that I love about Beck. So far, I really like it, and I'm sure that after I listen to it a few more times I'm going to just love it!

I'm working today, from 2:15 to close. Blah...suck shift. I need money though, so what can you do? And tonight what will I end up doing? Hanging out with someone I suppose...who that someone turns out to be, we'll just have to see. : )

This and That

Oh, I had the day off last night...and thank god I did! I've been so busy lately and it's just driving me insane! I mean, I got to class and then I'm home for a couple hours and then I have to go to work. If it's a bad night, I might not get home til midnight. Not wanting to stay up all night and get no sleep, I just shower quick and go to bed and start all over again. Oh, and I have so much shit to get done for school. Plus there are all of my personal things that I like to do like journal and write and read. Stuff that I'm finding I really don't have too much time for! It sucks. But oh well, only about a month longer until the semester is finished and then I can go back home to Iowa for the summer.

While home I'll need a job. I thought about going back to the nursing home, but the hours are crap, even if the pay is good. I'd like to work for my dad - he owns his own gutter business. I like the thought of strapping on that belt with my screwdriver and hammer and climbing up ladders and putting gutters on a house. I just want a job where I literally work. I don't know if my dad would let me though. If I had been born a boy, I'm sure he would have asked me years ago to work with him...

I was talking to Ian about the future yesterday. I've been feeling really restless lately, and have been for quite awhile. So I've been up in Minneapolis...what next? I'd like to move to a bigger city and somewhere farther away. Why? Just to do it; to experience something new again. The idea of living in Seattle intrigues me. The city is so big and I just LOVE how it's almost "cut" into different sections by the ocean. The place is beautiful and I'd love to explore it. But the problems with this...well I just started meeting people and making friends and I'd rather not leave them. Granted, it probably wouldn't be too hard to make new friends as I didn't until I was single and then just started meeting people like crazy. Also, there's the whole money issue. My mother is pushing to me to really seek residency in Minnesota because out of state fees are a killer.

So...then this brings up something else that is really appealing to me right now. I really wouldn't mind taking a break from school for a semester. I'd like to just work and save up money for either school or travel...or a little bit of both. I'm feeling the urge to travel again, but I'm so broke. The thing about taking a break though, it has such bad connotations. I mean, you always hear about people who take a break and who never return because of it. But as I was biking home yesterday, I realized that a lot of my ideas about staying in college and getting it all done at once were kind of based on what everyone thought sounded good. I should do what I feel I want to do. I mean, if I'm feeling restless and feel the need to just make money and travel then I should do what makes me happy. But again, I'm not jumping into anything. If I WERE to take a break, it'd probably be second semester of next year.

Weekend Happenings

First off I just want to update on Brock. I called him last Sunday and he said he'd call me sometime. Well, he has not yet called nor has he texted me or e-mailed me...so who knows. I'm not going insane about it, I'm just slightly confused because he claimed to really like me but now there is just nothing. Oh well, if something happens, it happens. If it doesn't, there is no need to fret about it.

What can I say, I had fun this weekend. I met up with an old friend, made a new good friend, and hung out with an existing friend. A guy from my graduating class named Levi moved up here in about January. We've hung out and partied before in Iowa and we've always been sorta friends and so when he moved up here, I was quite happy. Last time I was in Iowa, I saw him and we exchanged numbers and decided we'd do something the following weekend. So on Friday night, Levi met up with me and Ross at Ross's place. Later on, we met up with this boy named Tony. Tony is a 20-year-old from my speech class who I've been slightly attracted to for a wee while. We've been talking lately cause we were recently in a group together and I told him that if he was ever bored, he should give me a call. So he did, and we all ended up hanging out Friday night. Tony and I had planned on meeting up with Ali, another guy that had been in our group, because he was having a get-together at his place. But when we called the number he had given us, a girl answered and said we got the wrong number. Instead, I called up Ryan, a self-proclaimed nerd who's a cashier at Target, and we went over to his place and just...."chilled." Ryan's is another cool guy that I am just beginning to get to know. He's a big fan of Invador Zim and I have yet to make a date at his place to watch his Invador Zim dvds. I had fun that night, it was nice to just meet up with Levi, especially since he is such an Iowa farm boy and it's humorous to see him up here. Ross is always amusing to hang out with and it was cool to get to know Tony.

Saturday night Tony invited us all back to his Uncle's place in Uptown Minneapolis. His uncle's place is so lovely with wooden floors, comfy furniture and paintings and drawings adorning the walls. We drank at Tony's and watched American History X which was a really good movie. I spent the night at Tony's that night and we spent Easter with each other all day, as we both had no plans for Easter. All day today we just kind of lounged around watching TV and being verbally abusive to one another. For lunch we scoured uptown for any place that was open and ended up at a place called The Green Mill which turned out to be very delicious. While there we had a really good conversation about...well just about people in general. The main focus though was on gay rights.

Tony turned out to be quite different from what I expected. Though I wanted to hang out with him, I hadn't been too sure if he'd be someone that I could just hang out with anywhere at anytime. First impression wise I thought he'd be a little more "hard" and a bit more "gangster-like." I mean, not quite that bad, but he was different than I had imagined. I really like his opinions and views on everything; he's just very open-minded. He likes a lot of good music and has great respect for art of all kinds. He also really seems to understand me and made the comment today, "I can really see you being a writer." Tony's a cool guy and I look forward to hanging out with him in the future.

So just another guy? Nah. Sure, I'm physically and mentally attracted to him, but we both agreed that we're not each other's types. Besides, we're both recently single and we've both discussed how we just really want to enjoy the single life.

Vive el single life!

Confessions of a Teenage Cutter

I have recently taken up a new hobby: cutting my own hair. I don't know, I get really bored with my hair and usually when that happens I get it permed or cut into some new style or dyed or whatnot. Well, I can't really get my hair cut cause I have no money and that's beside the fact that I'm growing my hair out since I've never really had it long.

A couple of years ago my hair used to only be around 2 inches long. I've been growing it out since and because of my short hair cut, I had all these wild and lovely layers. As my hair has grown out and I've gotten it trimmed up, I've lost some of them. Though I've told my hair stylist that I want more layers, she doesn't get as crazy as I'd like. So, I've turned to the one person I can trust: myself. With my razor in hand, I just go to work on my hair. Heehee, yeah, the razor I use to shave my legs I now use to cut my hair. I must say, I am quite proud of my new and awesome bangs I've given myself. But today I decided to go further and cut all around my head. I just picked out little chunks of hair and just started hacking away at them. Heehee, you should have seen the waste basket. I didn't realize quite how much hair I had taken out until I put my hair into a pony-tail and felt how light it had become.

Oh, I'm going to be bald soon.

No Boys Were Harmed

Ok...I'm posting this as a response to what Josh said in my comments about me hurting boys. I can understand how it looks like I'm hurting these guys, I totally understand that. As Tyler could tell you, as well as other friends, I knew that in the case of Steve, it would DEFINITELY look like I was the bad guy; the one who was leading him on. Thing is, I really do not think that it is my fault if any of these boys got hurt, and really, the only one that I think got hurt was Steve.

With Jerry, we never really discussed an actual relationship. The idea came up at times but it was nothing we ever thought realistically about. And we've stopped talking...and there really is no reason why. With Ross...he wasn't looking for a relationship and either was I. Who else... :) There really weren't any other guys, other than just recently. Steve...I really did like Steve at first, but I knew that I wasn't ready to get back into a relationship. Steve really developed feelings but I told him countless times that I didn't want to date him and that I just really wasn't ready to date anyone! I told him he needed to get over me and that all I wanted was to be friends. It's not like I led him on. With Brock...we talked about being a couple, but if it were to happen, it'd start in the summer because he can't really handle a long-distance relationship. So who knows if it'd work out even if it did start in the summer.

I'm single, that's all there is to it. If I find the right guy, I'll start a relationship. For now, I'm just having fun.

And YES Greg! I'll be careful....

Lovely Day

I'm in a pretty damn good mood today. I woke up early and the sun was shining and it looked oh so nice out. I had my breakfast and found a b-day card from my mother that I thought I had lost. I had a nice chat with this guy named Casey who is going to be Brock's future roommate. He's into acting and also into writing plays and screenwriting which is what I hope to someday do. As the weather was nice today, I was able to bike to school which felt really good. 40 minutes of biking and no stupid bus fares! Can't beat that with a stick. And I have ham and bean stew cooking in the crock pot...oh yeah. Good day. And to top it off, I don't have to work tonight!

Yeah...I'm sure something will happen to fuck this day up for me...

Brock-a-Licious

I haven't written in awhile, as I've been back in Iowa and without a computer, but I have returned with some interesting stories. First things first...I MUST talk about a new boy. Yeah, I know, another boy...but this one I really like and I can actually see myself giving up my newly single life for him. Though, I'm not about to just jump into anything. If it happens, it probably won't until the summer. Anyway, his name's Brock and he just recently turned 19 and I went to school with him. Brock is someone I that I always had off and on crushes on. At times I'd be crushing, but then nothing would happen and I'd lose interest, and then my crush would flare up again. I mean, I could always see myself with someone like him, but I just could never see anything happening between us. Thing was, we never really talked and if we did, we never got real into and we never really hung out or anything. Brock's just a really cool guy. He's kind of like me; though he's from a small town he's not afraid to step outside the box and do something different, or just even think differently. He has a very broad taste of music and we both just LOVE some of the same artists. (I just recently got him into Spoon.) He's not afraid to do or say anything and he's always up for random and fun stuff. What more could I ask for? Besides, he plays drums and guitar and he's in the Hawkeye Marching Band. Ooh, and he's an Art major, I love the creative types.

Tuesday night (I think...) Rachel, Kristi, and I headed over to Brock's house for a little pre-party. His birthday party was on Saturday but Kristi was visiting from North Carolina and would be gone by then, so he had a wee pre-party for her. I didn't really know what to expect from the little party, but what happened was definitely unexpected, but totally great! There weren't tons of people there but there were a lot of guys from my grade that...well they weren't exactly the popular jocks, but they were kind of in league with them. Pretty much, they were all people I didn't really talk to. But, then Rachel and I started drinking and we just got out of control! Of course, some of the guys seemed to think that we were pretty entertaining. In middle-school and at times in high school, people called Rachel and I lesbians. So we kept yelling out, "Yeah, but we're lesbians!" in just this loud and joking roar and then I'd say, "But we like dick!" You have to keep in mind that Rachel and I were some of the quietest people in our school. Needless to say, some people were surprised and very amused by us. Then we started talking to one of our classmates named Mike who we always were crushing on. He was pretty drunk and we were outside telling him about how cool we always thought he was and how we always had a crush on him. Mike was stammering, "Why didn't you just-a-tell me then!" He kept shaking our hands and even gave us hugs. It was just the weirdest thing.

Now, I don't know how exactly things got started between Brock and I, but I think it might have started when he told me about how Rachel had shown him a text I sent her the prior weekend. Rachel had been hanging out with Brock and Kristi and texted me to say so and I had sent a text back that said, "I want Brock." I didn't know that Rachel had shown it to him, until he told me this, and then I think...but I'm not sure, that Brock said he too wanted me. Of course this took me by surprise, I never expected that. Then Brock started putting his arm around me and I put my arm around him. He kept telling me all night that I smelled really good. Heehee, it was quite amusing, and sweet. I made sure that I was the last one to leave and I was sobering up by then. I'm not exactly sure what our conversation was that night...but I know we started making-out, and it was nice. What more can I say? : ) At some point he told me that he had been thinking about this night ever since I sent that text to Rachel. And so we hung out until 5:30, just talking, joking, cuddling, and kissing.

What's a better way to end a night? Or an early morning..

As this has gotten long, I'll continue on about Brock tomorrow in another post.

Birthday Happenings

I must say, I'm very surprised at all of the Birthday wishes I received yesterday. My mom called like 3 times yesterday and once today. She got my voice mail all four times though. Jay didn't call me, though a week ago he said that he hadn't forgotten about my birthday. Ok... A couple of my friends didn't wish me one, but that's ok. One person that didn't call was my dad. I was kind of hesitant on that one though. Just with our relationship and how it is I'm not surprised he didn't call. Besides, it's not like I'd call him up on his birthday or on Father's Day or anything. Though it sounds bad, I really like the relationship I have with my father. We both understand one another. My brothers Erik and Greg called yesterday. Greg called right after I got off work and didn't really have too much to say after he said, "Happy Birthday." Yeah...he never has too much to say to me. I think he still views me as the stubborn little girl I used to be. Though, that is not entirely untrue, but I have come a long way from the spoiled brat that I used to be, Ian could tell you that as he's the brother I'm closest with. Oh...and Greg also told me a few times, "Be careful" in reference to my new single life. And speaking of my single life, a boy in my Anthropology class told me today that if I ever get bored then I should call him up. Then he proceeded to give me his number. Super kick ass.

The best part of my birthday had to be when I got home. Emily had attempted to make a brownie cake for me. Heehee, it was the greatest! She doesn't eat eggs and since she wanted some of the cake, she substituted two bananas for two eggs. Also, she had put frosting on it right after she took it out of the oven and so it had started melting and she also put the candles in too soon so their bottoms melted. But I loved it; I just love strange and random things like that. And it tasted like chocolate banana bread... : )

So yeah, my birthday has come and gone. Well, maybe not. I guess I'll see what kind of celebrations (or lack of) await me when I get home.

I'm headed down to Ames tomorrow and staying with Steve for the night. Friday I'm spending the day in State Center and then I'm coming home that night with Jacob and Steve in tow. They get to sit alone in my duplex together while I go off to work. Haha.

19!

So today is my 19th birthday. Usually in the mornings of my birthday I wake up and the first thought that hits my head is the fact that it's my birthday. Today I just kind of laid there and thought about how I didn't want to get up and then thought, "Oh yeah....wait...today's my birthday." Then I just kind of shrugged. It's kind of like X-mas, it won't really feel like it until I go home.

Tyler called me last night around midnight. I picked up to have him busting out "Happy Birthday" to me. Oh Tyler, what would I do without that boy. Steve woke me up around 1 to wish me "Happy Birthday." Such sweet boys I know.


I'm working tonight. Happy Birthday me.

Car Chase

On the way home from work tonight, I found myself to being seconds away from a could-be collision. While on Broadway, this white truck came streaming out of a street and turned right onto Broadway. It almost crashed into the front of the car ahead of me and I watched as it zoomed into the other lane before it got back into the "proper" lane. A cop came soon after. I was talking to Steve on the phone at the time and I go, "Oh my god!...There's a fucking car chase, this is so cool!" Heehee, I was exactic as I thought "If I had just been a few seconds faster, I would have gotten hit." As I turned onto 2nd street, I saw cops on my street turning left and now if I look out my kitchen window, I see mulitiple cop cars with their lights a'flashing just down the street. Ahh, I love this shit.

I couldn't help but post this. My powers/pheramones are way out of control. (These were just recently posted on their blogs.

www.crapfromsteve.blogspot.com
Steve said: "Liz is quite possibly the most intriguing girl I have ever met, and I must admit that I am quite taken by her. She has the most irresistable and intriguing sense of humor... one of those people that will verbally abuse you (kiddingly most of the time), and I just can't seem to get enough.... "

www.jacobsblogajeas.blogspot.com
My gay friend Jacob said: "One of my best friends is Liz AKA jellofat. She is the most interesting person i have ever met. She is funny, sadistic and really sarcastic. All of which create the best personality in a person"



How do these boys form such delusions?

My Fear

There is a fucking centipede in my room and I'm going to fucking freak out! I HATE centipedes! I can handle cockroaches, giant milipdes and whatnot, but centipedes?! They can all go to hell.

Oh, centipedes are one of the rare things I fear and one of the only things I'll actually freak out about. Seriously, this centipede came into the living room before going into my room and I was like a deer in headlights. I couldn't move!

Losing digital cameras is funny, centipedes are not.

Please Don't Take My Picture, It's Been a Bad Day

Ok, so I've used this title before but this time it REALLY works for what happened to me yesterday. Yesterday wasn't the greatest day for me. In the beginning of the day, nothing too big just happened, just minor annoyances. Take for example: I realized that instead of putting March on my time-off request sheet at Target, I put February. So instead of asking for the 14th-20th of March off, I had asked for the 14th-20th of February off...But I called Target and got things worked out and last night I found that I'm only working the 1 2th,13th, and 14th. The rest of the week is off!

Oh, it gets worse. And I'm just going to dive into it. Guess who left their roommate's expensive digital camera on the bus? Yeah, I did. I had borrowed her camera yesterday to take a picture of me and my group members. We're doing this presentation where we're pretending to take a road trip and we're going to Graceland. I was going to have Tyler do photoshop and cut out our heads and just other funny shit. So on the way home, I set the big camera bag on the seat next to me and start reading Harry Potter. When I get off, I just stand up and sling my bag around my shoulders and exit the bus. I don't even think twice about the camera. I mean, I never carry anything in my hands so when my hands weren't holding the camera, nothing felt strange. Ah, boy. It wasn't until like an hour later that I realized I didn't have the camera. I called up the Lost and Found but it hadn't been reported yet. At this point, I wasn't freaking out, nor did I ever freak out last night. Thing is, I just don't freak out in situations like this. Instead, I just laugh; I laugh at how funny the situation that I got myself into is. I just fucking laughed my ass off last night and I called my friends and was laughing; I called my mom and laughed about it. I mean, I didn't feel it the end of the world; I can always just buy another camera. The one thing I DID worry about though was calling Emily. She REALLY freaks out about shit and I wasn't looking forward to telling her about it. So, I call her up and tell her, "Something really bad has happened." Those are the first words out of my mouth. (I'm really good at setting people up for news.) Emily screams out, "What happened?!" So I told her I left her camera on the bus and she just yells at me, "I. Am. Going. To. KILL YOU!" Oh yeah, I just love being threatened. So then Emily started to cry as she went over what she lost and she was asking, "How could I do this to her." Well, you know, I really DID mean to leave it on the bus, especially knowing how much it'd cost me to replace it.

Things are better now though. They got better a lot quicker than I thought they would actually. I thought Emily would hate me for weeks, but it was only during the phone call. She came home and was in a better mood. I called the Lost and Found place today but it still hasn't turned up. As Emily said, "Someone has a really nice present now." Yeah, no shit. We're going to go onto E-Bay and try and find a nice priced camera which I will pay for with my birthday money.

Happy Fucking Birthday Liz, you stupid Fuck Nut.

17 Just Held Such Better Days

Ok, so that's not exactly truthful. As I get older, my experiences have definitely gotten better so no, 17 did not hold better days. But, I still wish I was 17. I just feel that it's a very good age to be, and besides, I liked being illegal. :)

So, as of today, my birthday is in one week. Yeah, count it down to March 8th! Oh, 19 is coming. I don't want to be 19. Then there is only one more year until I'm 20. Damn. I miss being younger. I mean, when I was in my mid-teens I'd get comments from people like, "Wow, you really like some good music for your age." And then into 17-18, I'd get comments from people like, "Seriously?! I thought you were like 21-22; you just act more mature." Now I'm going to be more around that age. I'll be acting my age for once...damn.

It doesn't even seem like my birthday is coming up. I miss being young and just having it seem like forever to get to my next birthday. Now it just comes and goes like nothing and it doesn't carry the same "magic" with it that it used to.

So what am I doing for my birthday? Ahh, I don't know. When I was with Jay, I remember looking forward to what he'd do for me. Now I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't even call...what a bastard.

Oh 19...

What The Hell Is Going On?!

Oh boy, the unthinkable has happened. I've met a boy who has got some potential for a relationship. Strange. Though, I am not about to rush into anything.

Anyways...I went down to Iowa this weekend and spent most of my time at ISU. Friday night was the first night I was there. I had my rum and coke and Rachel and I set off to roam around the floors in search of boys. We headed to her "lovers" room where a group of people were. Earlier in the evening she told me I should meet Ryan's (her lover) friend Steve. When we entered the room, I saw a boy in a hat sitting on a couch and he was someone I had not met yet. At some point, Rachel pointed out that that was Steve. I was immediately interested cause he was new and I noticed him looking at me and of course, I found that flattering. Later on in Rachel's room, there were these two guys up there just oogling over our "friend" Amanda and I was getting sick of it and told Rachel that we needed some attention. She called up Ryan and Ryan and Steve showed up. Well, since I was slightly intoxicated, I decided to flirt in my own drunk fashion. I just started standing closer and closer to Steve and then started to kind of lean on him. When he started to put his arm around me, I knew I had him. Jesus, I'm smooth aren't I? Steve and I didn't really talk that night. We just sat together on a chair in Rachel's room and flirted. Tyler was sitting next to us and staring at us. At one point he took Steve's hand off of me and said, "You can not touch her!" Heehee, it was funny. But the funniest part was when Tyler left and he goes, "Liz, I do not approve of this!" Classic. Anyway, Steve stayed with me that night in Rachel's room in her roommates bed. We hardly got any sleep cause we just kept talking and saying stupid shit. I kept belittling him and was being mean in my sarcastic way, but he loved it and even played along with it, which is so attractive to me. Heehee, the funniest part of the night...I was beginning to fall asleep and I was in this like "half-dream." I was dreaming that Steve and I were talking about the Grammy's or some other award show and that we were talking about the male host. All of a sudden, I wake up and go, "But who's the female host?" Steve looked at me strangely and asked, "What?" Wow, that's the first time I've ever done that and I felt like the biggest moron.
The next morning we exchanged numbers and decided I'd come back into ISU that night, even though Rachel wouldn't be around. That day I worried that Steve would become uninterested, and later found out that Steve worried about the same thing. But that night, I headed back over and we hung out in the dorms again and again, I got a little intoxicated. Oh wait, I got really intoxicated. I was falling down/laughing insanely drunk. That was fun. That night we stayed in his room and I got to meet his roommate. For lunch/breakfast, we met up with his super-cool friend Markus and headed out to Perkins. Steve came into State Center with me for the day and he met my gay friend Jacob who now deems Steve as the anti-christ; the most beautiful man in the world. And I quote Jacob, "Tell Steve not to shake my hand again, it's just too much physical contact!" Oh boy...Again that night, I headed back to ISU and got insanely drunk. I made out with Rachel and gave her a black hickey on her neck where anyone could see. I was quite proud. Poor Tyler who wanted nothing but to see Rachel and I make-out was not there to witness the spectacle. Haha, pobre Tyler.
I didn't leave Iowa til Tuesday night and needless to say, I spent the majority of my time with Steve. It sucked to leave him; I could tell he was sad to see me go, but it's awesome to know that there's someone that likes you that much. We've been chatting online a lot and calling when we feel like it. He called and woke me up at 1:30 last night cause I told him I like being woken up like that and we talked for an hour. It was lovely. He's already told his "mum" about me and has asked me to come down to Nebraska for a couple o' days with him over Spring Break. I just may have to do that. : )
Oh, the things I do.

Let's Do This Over...

Ok, scrap the idea that guys who are 25 should stay away from me and let's pen this: EVERY guy should stay away from me. Seriously, I'm like a disease.

I am the girl that guys hate to love.

Would you like to see my laundry list of guys who have been won over by the so-called "Charm of Liz"? Well, I'm not going to put it up.

You know, it has to be the pheramones. That's it. I have fucking deadly pheramones. I'm cynical and very mean in the way I talk. I'm an asshole. I tease relentlessly. Yet guys still cling to me. I don't get it.

I'm lethal. I really should be banned from society.

Heh, this is funny.

Bruised

I have realized something.... 25-year-old boys are a bad idea. Very...very bad. I really should stay away from them. No wait, THEY should stay away from me. Yes, that's how it should go.

Heehee, I make it sound like something really bad happened, when really it didn't.

Ooh, Lovely Rum

I must admit, as I'm writing this, I am a bit buzzed. : ) Heehee, I like my rum.

I'm at the ISU dorms right now in Rachel's room. The past couple of nights have been great. I met this guy named Steve on Friday night and then unthinkable has happened, I have met a guy that I really like, and...he really likes me too. : ) He stayed overnight with me in Rachel's room friday night and I headed over to ISU to see him last night. I spent all of last night with him and all day today with him too. Heehee, he's just a Nebraskan farm boy, someone I never could have seen myself with.

Oh, being single is such fun. Tonight will only get better too.

Liz Strikes Again!

Jerry, Julio, Jeff, Ryan, and now Ross...all these guys I'm meeting! Ross is the latest though, but he's the one I've known longest.
Ross is also a cashier at Target. We started talking probably back in November to December one night while we were working stray (putting stuff back after people put it in an odd place or decided they didn't want it) and I just started being my little sarcastic self with him. Since then, anytime we've talked, it's always been a sarcastic conversation. Never once did we have a conversation where we asked about one another or anything like that. I mean, before last night, I had no idea where he was from, how old he was, or what he was doing with his life. And the same is true for him of me.
Just recently I've been my mean sarcastic self around him; I've just been verbally attacking him in a joking way with a straight face. He made a comment to me one night, "You know, you REALLY know how to push my buttons. I had to bite my tongue at times!" I responded, "Yeah, I'm just sarcastic." But then he said back, "No, that's not sarcasm. You're straight faced and you sound so serious!" After that, Ross began to also attack me verbally and he was quite good at it as he was even able to press my buttons!
Last Sunday I was talking to him and made some comment about how I didn't have a TV. Ross then said that I should come over and watch TV with him sometime. He sounded serious but as there was no other talk about it, I didn't really think too much of it. On Friday, I headed into Target to drop off some papers and found Ross to be in the employee area. He said,"Hey, you haven't come over to watch TV!" I responded, "Well, you haven't invited me." Ross asked if I worked Saturday night, to which I responded "Yes" and told me to call him when I got off of work and that I could come over. Tyler was with me when this happened and told me he didn't think Ross was flirting while I was a bit confused whether he was or not. Ross is the kind of guy that can talk to anyone so it's hard to say whether he's flirting or not. I had also heard he had a gf. But then I thought, well he knows I'll get out late on Saturday but he still wants me to come hang out... Yeah, so pretty much, I just really didn't know what to expect last night. And again, I didn't know anything about him. Ross hit me off as kind of a "Good Guy" and Tyler got the same impression. But last night, I found that wasn't true.
I headed to his place in Dinkytown and got there around 1 am. I found out that he was 25 and he thought that I was 21 or 22. Hehe, I'm only 18 Ross... Ross started talking about drinking and pot smoking (when he was young) and he was just making these comments that just really surprised me! I mean, with a lot of stuff he was saying he was being sarcastic and such, but still, I could see that he wasn't as good as I thought he was. Ross asked if I drank and we ended up having some glasses of Rum and coke, which is now my new favorite drink. We talked and talked and got to know one another. He was mighty surprised to find out I had never smoked pot. As I thought he was more of a "good boy", he assumed I was more of a "bad girl." Oh, and I also found out that he didn't have a gf and the big thing I found out...he has a big crush on me that started in about December when I started to talk to him in my mean sarcastic way. So yeah...big revelation there!
Again, like some other nights spent with Jerry, I hardly got any sleep. We just stayed up the entire night pretty much. And it was fun. And that's all I'll say. : )

Squirrel Terminator

Ok, does anyone else find this as funny as I do?

The story at the end is great.

THe Hell Liz...

What the hell am I doing inviting boys over at 1:30 in the morning who I don't even know?

Gory

I met up with Jerry last night when I was finished at Target. I met him at Perkins at midnight after he had already been there for probably like 2 hours. We sat talking, joking, and laughing about nothing in particular, as we got drunk off of coffee. We got onto the conversation of movies and I talked about all of these classic and just plain good movies that I haven’t seen. “Wow, I really have a job on my hands.” Jerry commented at one point. He later asked when I had to get up the next morning and I replied that I didn’t have class until 1:30. So, then Jerry invited me over to watch a movie with him and of course, I obliged. We left Perkins around 1:30 am and headed to his house and made the way to the basement where we checked out the selection. I pointed out various movies that I hadn’t seen but told Jerry that it was ultimately up to him. After much critical thinking, he finally chose Kill Bill Volume 1. I loved it! I was just laughing in stupefied amazement at some of the scenes in the movie. And the music was so great too! Heehee, I just think it funny to picture us lounging on the couch watching such a gory movie and just loving the hell out of it for its brilliance. (And now I’m dying to see the 2nd one!) Yeah, so needless to say I’m a little tired. I didn’t get home until 4:30 last night and made myself get up early to write a paper that was due today. (Shame on me!) But it was well worth it. I miss just doing little things like that. I hate having nothing to do and just going to bed at midnight out of sheer boredom. Last night while sitting with Jerry, I was just laughing in my head thinking, “The hell Liz? Who is this guy, what are you doing?” Heehee, he’s just some guy that I met online and now we’re drinking coffee at Perkins and watching Kill Bill together. Life’s great sometimes.

Yesterday when I was driving to work I was flipping through the stations and quickly passed 89.3. As it stopped on the station, all I heard was a little acoustic music and then I turned to another one. But then I stopped. Though I didn’t really know the song, I just knew it was Sondre Lerche! I quickly went back and sure enough it was! It was like meeting your long lost adopted child…or something like that. J I was just overcome with joy and even felt like crying at hearing his voice. I just haven’t listened to him in so long and I finally put in his cd today to listen to it and it was just the greatest thing. Sondre Lerche is so good. If you haven’t checked him out yet, you have to. Except for you Tyler, you wouldn’t appreciate it.
And speaking of Tyler…he’s coming to see me this weekend! I am so excited, I can hardly contain myself! I’m so braiding your hair…

New!

Got bored with the old look, wanted to try something new. I like dots...and I like light colors, so this suits me I think. Guess we'll see if it lasts eh? Don't be too surprised if it happens to change again. But one weird thing..the comment thing is now above my posts...just so everyone knows and they're not commenting on the wrong one. Unless someone knows how to fix it and get it back like it was...hint hint...

Anyway, it's Friday night, and I'm bored. You know, if you're going to live in a city, you really need to LIVE in a city. One problem though, I really don't have anyone to hang out with. Sure, there's Jerry, but he's a really busy guy. (He makes his own little films and is working with a team on a tv pilot.) Then there's Abel, but...yeah, Abel. Speaking of him, we went to go see Boogey Man tonight. I wasn't expecting anything too great of the movie, and good thing I wasn't. Horrible lines and just really stupid plot. But, it's worthless to talk about. Anyway, so I'm getting over this Strep Throat and I knew Abel would just insist on buying me something to eat. When I picked him up, he asked if I wanted to go somewhere to eat. I responded as I usually do, "No, I'm not hungry." He just shrugged his shoulders and made this face of "You always say that, just stop!" So then I spoke up, "I'm still sick, I'm not hungry." I knew he'd get on my nerves... When we got to the theatre, he told me I could get something to eat but I just got a pop. He asked if I'd eat popcorn with him but kept replying, "No." He still got popcorn and when the guy asked if he wanted butter on it, Abel looked at me and asked if I did. I smiled as I said, "I'm not eating it, it's up to you." He goes, "You're not?" Well shit Abel, I told you I wasn't. And uhh, a few times he kept putting his hand on my back and I was just seriously cringing. With a lot of guys, I just can't handle being touched, it really bothers me. Especially if I'm just not attracted to them in that way! After the movie, I headed over to Target to drop him off and he said, "I want to go to McDonalds." Notice, he said "I." I pull up to the drive-thru and after the guy asks what I need, Abel says, "Get what you want." I knew he would do that! He'd just wait till we got up there and I was trapped in the corner! Oh well Abel, spend your fucking money on me if you want. So, I ordered something cheap...
Anyway...back to what I was saying. So there's those two boys...sure there is my roommate but she doesn't go out too often. Also, she has asthma so I understand her not wanting to go to the bars and such. I'd go alone, but...I'd rather someone be with me. And besides, I reallly don't know where I'd go, I don't know what's up here!
I need to go on some dates. I just need to meet people and have fun. Anyone interested in taking me on a date? I'll go with anyone just for the chance to get out and have fun. I should ask Tony...I'm sure Tony would be happy to take me out. I mean, he likes 'em young doesn't he? (Ooh, I'm going to get a talking to...) Heehee, I tease! Maybe...

Thanks Ian

Last night I began to feel quite shitty again. I took my temperature to see that it had risen from the night before. I called up mom and she pretty much told me that I definitely needed to see someone. I had a high fever, horrible headache and my throat hurt like a bitch. Well, I had to call and wake up my dad because I don't have my insurance card and had to get all that info from him. And then since I haven't been to any clinic or anything around here, I called up Ian to see if he could help me out. So around 10:40 last night, Ian picked me up and we went to the Fairview Hospital and Emergency clinic in campus town. The lady at the front desk was what Ian described as a "pleasant lady." She acted very impatient and her voice was not soothing at all. I guess when Ian finally came in, he went up to her and said, "My sister just came in." The lady just threw out her hands in this bitchy "I don't know who she is" way. Anyway, I got a throat coulture (sp?) right away and had questions asked of me, they took my blood pressure and shiznit like that. After that, things went very slowly...Once I was finally taken back to see the doctor, it took him forever to finally come in and see me. He asked me about my symptoms and then he checked my breathing and my limph nodes and looked in my throat. He said it looked like strep throat. So then he went to go check on the throat coulture and again I had to wait a long-ass time. When he came back, he said I was positive for it. So then he left me again to go fill out my perscription. That took awhile. After I got my script, I was told to head over to the hospital next door and pick up my pills. So I headed over there and went to the little pharmacy area and handed my script to the lady in there. She looked at me questioningly and said, "Ok?.." Jesus Christ lady, I was handed this and told to come here! You do this all the time! She just acted as though I should have more information or something. So then she told me it would take about 30-40 minutes. I couldn't believe it. It was already 12:10.
Ian and I headed to the village wok where I drank my water and some tea and watched him eat. We headed back to the hospital about 40 min later and I returned to the room. There was another lady in there, a nurse who worked at the hospital who was suffering from a migraine. They told us it might take 10 more minutes because their system wasn't working right and things were getting sent back. The nurse was saying, "This lady is so slow!" Well, it ended up taking longer than 10 min. I was probably there for about 20-30 min. The nurse had already left to go home, taking her script with her. I waited it out though and finally I got my perscription. And yeah, I didn't get home till 1:30. I feel kind of bad for doing that to Ian, but I really appreciate it.
So now I'm stuck at home all day. "Joy" It is an early weekend for me it seems.

Jesus Christ boys..

I just got back from my walk and I realized that there are still some things about this area that are going to take some getting used to. I've talked about this before, but here I go again.
I walked by this house where two 20-some boys were standing on the porch. I just knew something would be said. As I walked by, one boy says, "You look pretty." I just looked up at him and then looked away. He went on, "Can I get your number, I'll call you later."
I also had two cars honk at me while on my walk. Jesus...I mean, in State Center I'd always get looks from men around the town and such, but of course they never hit on me. It's a small town, shit would get around. But here, no one is afraid to do anything.
But then again, I can't say I don't enjoy it either...

Ass

Ass. I feel like ass. I had a fever last night that just seemed to strike out of nowhere. And though my body was hot, I still felt cold. This morning was when I felt the worst though. My body felt so hot and gross while I still froze on the inside and I had a splitting headache that would just not go away...So yeah, I didn't go to class today, which sucks. I had a test in Geology that I missed out on...fucking "joy."
But I'm starting to feel better. Just like the sickness came out of nowhere, it's leaving almost as fast. I don't get it. But whatever, I enjoyed the feeling of weakness that comes from being sick and it was fun to feel like a zombie as I shuffled around Target looking for jello and sore throat drops.
I think I'm going to go for a walk. The weather is too nice to not enjoy it.

Lovin' The Sleep Deprivation

I'm sleep deprived, hence the title, but it has all been worth it.
Last night Jerry called me up and invited me to go to a movie with him and of course, I accepted the offer. We saw the movie Hotel Rhwanda (sp?). It was a really good movie, and definitely very sad. We joked later about how we saw that movie for our date.
Last night was spent with Jerry at his town house. We just stayed up for hours as he played music for me that I hadn't heard yet and we talked and joked about this and that, until he eventually started falling asleep on me. But, I guess it's excuseable since the night prior we hadn't even gone to bed at all. Needless to say, we were both a little tired.
I've really been enjoying hanging out with Jerry. He appreciates my weird and sometimes absurd humor for he is also a bit morbid in a humorous way. We both can laugh at anything and he thinks I'm interesting. What more could I ask for?
It's strange how something so good can come from something so horrible...

Jerry...

Oh Jerry, Jerry, Jerry...
I actually looked forward to coming home to Minneapolis last night and I actually am starting to enjoy living here. I may not have gone to bed last night and almost fell asleep mulitiple times in my classes, but it was well worth it. Sigh... : )
I'm a happy girl right now...

Friday Night Drunk Girl

I'm leaving for Iowa tomorrow and on Friday I'll be visiting my friends Rachel and Tyler who are going to ISU. Rachel lives in the dorms and is living the stereotypical college dorm life: She gets drunk quite a bit. And there is nothing wrong with that! Ok, maybe there is. :)
Since I've recently been dumpt and have been hurting, I've realized that I need to get out and just do more. I'm going to start spending a lot more time with my friends and family, but also, I just need to kind of forget about things for the moment, and what better way to do that than to drown my sorrows with alcohol?? (please keep in mind that I'm not being wholly serious! I don't actually think this is a good idea.)
Anyway, so there's going to be a party on Rachel's floor and there will plenty of drunk college girls and BOYS about. And no, I do not plan on being a good girl. There's not anything to hold me back now. But hey, before you start worrying or looking down on me, please know that I do not plan on doing anything sexual, I'm still a good girl even if I am being "bad." So yeah, Friday should be fun. I'll get drunk and start dancing and hopefully start flirthing and such. Tyler has never made out before...that might change. :) Oh Tyler, you know I tease. Or do I?? Heehee...

I'm such a verbal whore.

Creepity-Creep

Some of you who know me also know that I have a secret obsession with creeps; I love them. Moreso, I love getting hit on by creeps. When I was followed in Venice by this creepy guy, my heart was all a-flutter. When weird guys hit on me at unexpected times, I can't wait to tell my friends. Somehow, I always seem to find myself in a position where a creep comes along and hits on me. And, it has happened again! They must be drawn to me...like they can sniff it on me or something!
I was working at Target one night when this man came through my lane. The guy looks about older 30's to 40's. He's probably around 5'5 and has a stocky build. He is just a bit overweight, but it's natural looking for a guy his age. He has dark hair with gray in it; full head of hair and he wears glasses. He seems like a really nice guy and he's always whistling and humming. Well, one night when he came through, he asked me how I was doing and I replied, "I'm doing well." He replied to this, "Oh, you seem a little so-so tonight Liz. Other times I come in, you seem to be happy and such." I thought this slightly creepish. I mean, it's normal to recognize workers at a place where you go often, but it's just the fact that he took notice of me and what mood I seemed to be in. Anyway...another night he came in and he went to a lane right next to me. While checking out, he kept looking over at me! Not like I wasn't staring at him too, but whatever, it was just slightly weird.
So a couple nights ago I was finishing with one customer and I looked and saw that he was next in line. My heart started beating fast and I could feel the redness in my face. But then I thought, "Well, I do like creeps, maybe I can make a moment out of this and use pity to my advantage." When I turned to him I said, "Hey, how's it going?" And I made sure to say it in a way that showed that I recognized him and such. I'm not sure how this happened, but he ended up introducing himself to me. "Well Liz, my name is Alex." Now...do you think that you would ever just introduce yourself to a cashier? And not just that, but he said it in a way that was like he meant that I'd be seeing him more often. So, then he asked me how I was doing, and I began my pity act. "Oh, it hasn't been the best weekend for me." I replied. "Oh, what happened?" He asked. I smiled slightly and said, "Oh, just some relationship problems."
And here was his reply: "Well, I think you're a really special girl and no one should ever hurt you."
AGH! I couldn't believe it! I just wanted to scream out loud and I couldn't wait to call up my friends and tell them what had happened. After he left, I couldn't help but imagine a creepy date with this guy...I just imagined me sitting very uncomfortable in his nice living-room; we'd have wine glasses in our hands and at some point he'd start stroking my face with the backs of his fingertips as he told me how lovely I looked. Wow, I need to stop. That's creepy.
I'm going to get myself in trouble.

Reality Bites

I didn't speak to Jay all weekend for he had gone down to Iowa City to visit a friend and party. Last night while working at Target, I received a text from him that said, "Wow, no texts this weekend, is something wrong?"
Anyway I talked to Jay last night and brought up our little situation. As I figured, he protested talking about it. He's one of those types who when they talk about something once, then they're done with it. He just didn't want to discuss it, but I wouldn't let him go. "Jay, I'm confused and I don't know what's going on!" I pleaded with him. Jay threatened to hang up, but didn't. He never does actually do it. He started to go on about how he didn't like talking about it because he didn't have answers to my questions. He doesn't know why he's feelings this way and it hurts him to not know why and to not be able to answer my questions. I was talking to Jay on the way home from work and as I pulled into my drive-way I asked Jay, "Are you crying?"
"Yes." He replied. Yeah..so that got me crying of course. I was hurt by the fact that Jay has lost feelings for me for apparently no reason and he was crying because he couldn't explain why he was feeling this way and he hated hurting me like this.
But, it was not all tears though. I started cracking jokes, while we were crying : ), and was just kind of making a mockery of some of the thigns that were happening and such. I also started to go on like: "C'mon Jay, is it really that hard to love me?!" I began to name off various things that we had done together and brought up things that I had done for him; like all of my creative gifts I've given him. All of this made him laugh through his tears and at one point he jokingly said, "Stop being so cheeky!" I loved hearing this for in that one ill-fated conversation the other night he had stated that "..things aren't like what they used to be; things aren't cheeky like they used to be.." I started to talk about our options of what we could do. I told him that if it were up to me I wouldn't break up because I still love him and my feelings haven't changed, but the decision was ultimately up to him. If things weren't quite right with him, then it wouldn't work. With pain in his voice, Jay made the decision that it might be best for us to take a break. This got me crying again, which got Jay crying again. At one point he jokingly said, "You made me cry twice tonight!" (I love when Jay cries, I love to see a guy showing his emotions)
It was definitely hard to fully realize what was about to happen, and it sucked. But it definitely wasn't as painful as the other night. Jay told me that he was pretty sure that if we were to have stayed together then it would have ended in a bad break-up for we both would have just been so stressed out with what was going on. He feels that the break is a good chance to have the "spark" come back. He feels that we need to both take a step back and do what we feel we must and want to do in terms of our future. That being said, he plans on moving to Colorado next fall. I was speechless when he told me that, but not really surprised. I felt that I might have been holding him back from doing that.
But things have ended well. I know Jay is definitely doing this with us in mind. I feel that lately our relationship has gotten stressful with Jay focused more on his educational future than anything else. And then there were my fears with him not being totally focused on us which caused more stress. I mean, last night was very stress free after we got things settled and we had such a great, fun, and funny conversation. I think this really will do us some good.
But of course, I do fear that Jay won't come back to me, that his feelings for me will never come back, and that sucks. I hate knowing that when we're together, he won't be reaching out to hold me or kiss me. I hate knowing that I won't be sleeping in his bed with him at night. It sucks. But if there's a chance that Jay and I could get back together, I'm for it.
I guess I'll see what happens...Maybe Abel will be happy. I know Tyler is...you sick bastard! :)

Oh no Abel...

Abel called me while I was talking to mom and left a voice mail. In it he said to call me back after three cause that's when he'll be home. He wants to know if I want to do something tonight if I'm doing nothing...but then...oh my I can't believe this. At the end of the message he said, "Ok, I'll talk to you later...I miss you."

No, no, no...we don't have anything to talk about, he can't like me!

Hmm...

Well, I guess I'm feeling better already, but only to an extent. I'm still confused and still don't know what to do. This is just overwhelming and I just feel so stuck.

I talked to Jay last night on the phone. Of course, he was in one of his moods, which he always seems to be in, or at least when he's around me lately...that sucks. Thing with Jay, it's hard for him to talk about what's bothering him and so when he did finally get shit out and talks about it, he talks about it once and then it's done with. I'm not that way. I always bring stuff up after it's happened just because I want a clear and precise idea of what's happening and how we're feeling. Last night when I tried to bring it up, Jay was pretty much just like, "Why are you bringing this up?" I asked him if he did just want to kind of forget it and start over and he said "Yes." Also, I asked if we just dropped the whole moving in thing would everything be fine and again he replied, "Yes." But just the way he talked...I just don't feel too comforted. Jay has never liked talking on the phone, but things just seem to be changing. I don't know if there are reasons for this besides what was discussed the other night, or maybe if it truly is that he's worried about getting too serious and so that's just effecting everything right now. I mean, before when I'd be up here and we wouldn't talk for awhile, he'd actually call me during the day just to talk, and he hates talking on the phone! I'm g0ing on my third week up here, the longest I've been up here without going home or having someone come to visit, and he just hasn't called. If I'm to call him, he doesn't get excited or really engage in conversation. But then again, he never really just talks to people on the phone anyways. It's just short little things.

I just don't know what to think, and I hate this but I know I won't really know what's going on until I go home. Until then I just have to wait. I'm not sure what's going to happen, and that frightens me. I'm just left alone with my thoughts and my brain is about to explode with all the shit I'm thinking of. I think of what it would be like to be single again, or just take a slight break from Jay. I'm thinking of what would happen if we just dropped the serious stuff and I stayed up in Minnesota or went to some other state or even out of the country and we just let it go and see what happened; just see if we still love one another and still want to stay together. This idea does excite me. I'd love to go live abroad and go to some college in England or somewhere, just try something totally new. I'm young and this would be a good time to do such a thing before I have to settle down with a job. Only thing...money! But then again, I think of all the times that Jay and I have had and it'd be so hard to just kind of put some of that stuff aside, even if we are still together.
I can really relate to some things I've seen Josh say on his blog about the whole "I love you" thing. Whenever I'd hear of people my age saying they were in love, I never believed it and thought them too young. And I always felt that I'd never be comfortable enough to say it, and that it'd take me a VERY long time to reach that comfortable level. As my family can tell you, as can my friends and such, I'm not a close person and don't really like to be touched. I don't like sharing my feelings or having people show their feelings for me. When I'm flirting, it's fine but when things start to get serious, I always get uncomfortable. And then Jay came along. After being with him for awhile, I found myself actually wanting to hear him say "I love you" and when he did, it was just such a rush, and I never felt weird about it! And then I finally felt it and said it to, and I didn't feel uncomfortable. I've just said, felt and done so many things with him that I could have never believed I could say, feel and do. To leave that or put it on hold? Fuck. I don't know how.
But I really can't make any decisions yet as I haven't been home yet. I'm kind of scared to go home. Scared that Jay won't be able to find it within himself to care for me like he used to. I'm scared he won't want to hug or kiss me. I hate this shit. This is just the worst thing that could have happened. Actually it's not. 2nd to worse thing.

I'm Dying Right Now...

Quite the title eh? Well, I don’t really know how else to describe how I’m feeling right now. Fuck, how to even start this. Ok…I’ve been having some fears about Jay and I lately, but I just assumed that they were my normal insecurities trying to get the better of me and as I’m going home next weekend I thought I’d just wait it out. Why the fears? Well last time I was home I noticed that Jay wasn’t being as close to me as he usually was and he didn’t seem to want to go out and do as much with me as usual. Also, he kept getting bothered by doing things with me that he thought were becoming routine, but I can understand that. Routine sucks, it kind of takes the feelings away after time. But I just hoped that it was a phase and that he’d snap out of it. I mean, that happened, but then Jay would pull me to him and hold me and kiss me and show me how much he cares like he always does. But still, it bothered me. So yeah, lately I’ve just been feeling all this fear and have been thinking about breaking up a lot recently. It’s not that I want to, but I feared it was going to happen, of course I pushed this to the side, thinking it just a silly worry. The other night I had a dream that Matt and Emily broke up, but all the next day I felt that it was more geared towards Jay and I.
Then last night came…Jay and I were chatting online like usual, and we were just having one of our normal conversations when suddenly Jay asked, “Can we have a serious talk?” My heart started to pound and I began to get very nervous. I asked if it was something bad but Jay assured me that it wasn’t. Well, it ended up being bad, but truthfully, I don’t think Jay expected it to go where it did. The first thing that Jay said that he was getting scared because he felt we were getting too serious and it frightened him that I wanted to move out to Colorado with him. I understand him getting scared cause it’s going to fast, but he was the one who asked me to go out to Colorado with him and the idea excited me. Well, last night Jay told me that it made him cringe to think that he had asked me that. Do you know how painful that is?! That’s a fucking stab in the heart to have him say that! But it gets worse. Jay went on to say about how things are just the same between us and nothing is happening; that we’re running out of things to do. He also talked about how he has been feeling weird around me lately and that’s why he wasn’t as close last time. He said he couldn’t explain why he was feeling this way and that it was killing him to feel that way. I asked him if he was suggesting we break up but he said he didn’t want that. Jay talked of how we’ve been fighting and bickering more lately, and I told him it was because of the way he had been acting and how since it got me confused and such, I began to question him about it, and Jay hates being questioned about things. I don’t know if he felt threatened or scared or whatever, but a fight would just break out.
I was definitely crying at this point. Why lie, I’m crying now. I wasn’t the only one crying though. Jay admitted he couldn’t see straight cause of his crying and that it was killing him too.
It continues. I asked Jay if he loved me, which he responded yes to. But when I asked if he was in love with me, his reply was, “I dunno.” How the hell do I respond to that, and how the fuck am I suppsed to feel after seeing that? It fucking kills! I mean, this is my worst fucking fear; the fear that I’d still have the same feelings for someone, but their feelings would lessen. You can change behaviors and such that bother people, but feelings are a lot harder to change.
At one point Jay suggested that maybe we should take a break, because then maybe the spark would come back. This only made me cry harder and I told Jay that I wouldn’t be able to do that. I’d still long to hug him and kiss him and tell him I love him. My feelings haven’t changed and I just can’t stop loving him and showing him that I do! After I told Jay this, he thought about it and then decided that that wasn’t the best idea for he’d feel the same. He apologized to me for being an asshole last time I was home and for getting angry and for his feelings that he’s been having. He commented about how tonight sucked. I asked him if he dreaded my coming home next weekend and he said no. When asked what he thought about it, he said “It’ll be like it always is. It’ll be good to see you.”
Jay began to talk about how he just wanted to start over. He didn’t want to break up with me, he couldn’t do it. He said, “I just want to forget this conversation ever happened and start over, though I know it’ll be easier for me to do that than you.” So he wants to continue with us, but just not get so serious. But when I asked him, the only serious thing between us is the moving in together thing, nothing else is bothering him.
Oh I just don’t know. Last night was just so painful, as is today. And I wasn’t the only one feeling the pain; it’s really hard for Jay to talk about how he’s feeling, but it also killed him because he knew how much I cared for him. Emotionally, Jay has been my first for everything. I’ve just never felt comfortable about liking a guy, until Jay came along. He’s the only person that I never felt uncomfortable around! And the thing is, I have such a hard time with expressing my feelings, I mean Jay is the only person who I could actually say out loud to, “I love you.” Fuck, he’s the only person I could write to and say that, I wouldn’t do that for anyone else, it just makes me uncomfortable! I’ve given him so much in this relationship, just so much of me, and he’s done the same to me. I can’t lose this. This is fucking killing me.
I mean, do you know how it feels to be 4 hours away from the person you love and have this going on? Do you know how it feels to have this going on, knowing that you won’t see this person for another week? I don’t know what to do, or what to say. I just don’t fucking know. The only logical thing to do it seems is cry, and I’ve done plenty of that. When this started last night, I texted my roommate Emily and had her come back home from her bf’s last night. She came into my room and hugged me and sat with me as I cried and continued my chat with Jay. That really meant a lot to have her do that. I was texting my friend Rachel about this, but there wasn’t much she could do. She just said she wished so bad she could be with me and that she felt awful.
I couldn’t stop crying last night. I woke up this morning and felt so confused. It just didn’t seem real and how I wished it was only a dream. But it wasn’t, and I was soon crying again. And here I am, still crying. I still have the whole day to live out; I still have classes and work tonight. I don’t know how I’m going to keep from breaking down. I just don’t know what to do.

It Continues...

Ok, so I should talk about what happened with that guy "whose name I don't know." Well, now I DO know his name, and it's Abel. Heehee, he had quite the life when he realized I didn't even know his name. He's also from Ethiopia and just moved here about a year and four months ago and we he got here, he didn't know any English. (No wonder I can't understand him at all sometimes!) Umm, the other day I met him at Target and before we left, I headed off to the candy area to get some Sour Patch Kids for the theatre since theatre food is too fucking expensive. He told me to get whatever I wanted and I replied that I had money. Well, he just put a ten dollar bill in my hand and wouldn't take it back. Yeah...when we got to the movie, he ended up paying for that too. He kept insisting that he buy me something at the theatre but I utterly refused. "I have my candy, I'm all good." I stated. While waiting for the movie to start, he asked if my bf was in Iowa and he also asked how long we had been together. I'm just happy to know that he remembers I have a bf. After the movie, he insisted that we go to McDonalds, and he bought my supper and then we went back to my place and ate it and played with the cat before I dropped him off at Target to work.

Now, some of you think he was hitting on me, but I don't. Why? Well because when I continously say no to him wanting to buy shit for me, he always says that he doesn't understand why Americans always say no when they really do want something. "I have money so why not spend it?" He asked me.

Oh well, the guy is really nice, but we don't have too much to talk about, which makes me wonder why he continues to want to hang out with me. I mean, a couple of nights ago I went to bed around midnight-ish and at 12:20 my phone rang and said Target was calling me. I figured it was him and sure enough it was. He left a voicemail saying that if I wasn't doing anything on Sunday or Monday I should call him. Last night I worked at Target and so did he and I ended up giving him a ride home. But before he went home, we just HAD to go to McDonalds. As I ordered for him and told the lady it was done, he began to laugh and yelled at the machine, "No, we're not done yet!" Yeah...so he bought me McDonalds last night. Ahhh, oh well. Free food.

Oh Dear...

I don't really know how to start this off, so I'm just going to jump right into it. There is this guy at work and I will refer to him as "the guys whose name I don't know." If you can't guess, I don't know his name. He works on the sales floor and so he doesn't wear a name tag and if he ever did tell me his name, which I don't think he did, then I don't remember it. I'm so horrible with names, as soon as someone tells me their name, it's just gone. Anyway, we met awhile back in the break room. He was eating some cookies and offered some to me. Since then, I guess we've been pals. I don't know. We've never had any big conversations or anything. He just suddenly started saying hi to me all the time and asking me how I was doing. But, it'd be hard for me to hold a conversation with him anyways. I'm not sure what ethnicity he is; he's dark of skin and has an accent, and that's the best I can do. I'm not good with accents and such. I can never understand what he's saying, since I'm accent retarded and so our conversations consist of him talking and me either nodding and smiling or asking, "What was that?" One time when we talked, he told me about how he hated staying at home and doing nothing and he was always trying to get out of the house to go out to eat and/or go to a movie. A few days ago, he asked me what I was doing on Friday and I replied "Nothing." I figured he would be going somewhere with this so I asked him if he was working. He said that he wasn't, and then he went on and on about how he wanted to see the movie Coach Carter and wanted someone to go with. So yeah, today we're going to go see the movie Coach Carter. Well, I didn't really think much of this. I mean, he told me before of how he just likes getting out of the house and I had remembered telling him I have a bf and he saw pictures of Jay on my cell phone. But then I gave him a ride home that night and when I dropped him off at his house, he gave me a present that was square shaped. At first I thought it might be a journal because he saw me journaling once in the break room, but when I opened it I saw that it was actually make-up, lip stick and lip gloss to be exact. I was just so stupified I couldn't help but laugh! So yeah, I don't know what to make of this; whether he's hitting on me or not. I guess I just have to wait and see what happens tonight eh?

Blah...

Oh, what to post about. I really don't have too much to say. Nothing too grand has happenend lately. On December 27th, I was able to leave for Iowa and stay home for a week and a half. While home, I successfully did much of nothing. I sat around playing playstation 2 and eating mozzeralla sticks with Jay. We played a lot of Dance Dance Revolution which is really quite fun, and quite a workout. One night we had a Dance Dance Revolution competition between me, Jay, and Rachel. I only came in second, Jay the master dancer came in first. After that, we hopped in Rachel's car and went to Marshalltown to Wal-Mart to spend some well-earned money on bottles of whip cream. Yum... A couple days before we had frozen rain and so when we got back to Jay's, we headed over to the high school parking lot and slid around on the ice for awhile. A couple days later, we got about 8 inches of snow so Jay and I took my monster Taurus over to the parking lot and did donuts to our hearts' content. Then we went home and ate some more mozzeralla sticks.

Oh...I miss my small townn life.

It's X-Mas?

Today is really just another day for me. This year, X-Mas isn't about the actual day, it's just about when it happens, and it's not happening today. Ian invited me to go along with him and his wife to her mother's house, but I declined the offer. Even though I know I wouldn't be, I still feel like I was intruding on their families time together. I'd just feel out of place and I don't want to feel that way. Besides, I need to spend time with Leeloo, but I don't feel that she's appreciating our time together enough. She's been abusing me all day; just biting and clawing and being the little monster that she is. I get no respect from that cat.
So today I'll just busy myself with reading, journaling and cleaning up. Emily left the place in a bit of a mess and it's annoying me.
But yeah, just another day. At least I don't have to work today. The past couple of days at Target have been crazy with all the people coming in. Yesterday, some customer bonked me right in the head with wrapping paper when I wasn't looking . Surprised, I looked at him and he had this huge smile on his face and said, "Merry X-Mas!" On the 23rd, I had to close at Target and we didn't get out of there until 2:15 a.m. That was such "fun", especially when I thought that I wasn't closing that night. What a "lovely" surprise that was. Heehee, it was kind of funny though yesterday at Target. I was just being so cynical. When people asked how I was doing, I'd hesitate a little and then say, "Could be better, I could be at home." I felt like a cynical little elf. One guy asked if I was working hard. My response: "Oh yeah, it's pretty hard just standing here and passing things across a scanner."
So yeah...Merry X-Mas to whoever is celebrating it today. And for Josh, I'll take back my Merry X-Mas (I don't want to annoy you in my "religious assumptions.") : ) And Merry X-Mas to me in a few days.

Merry X-Mas, You're Growing Up

I was down in Iowa for Part One of my X-mas at home. I went down on the 17th and came back on the 22nd and while down there my mom and I exchanged gifts. From her I got a recipe book, a Wok set, wood coasters, an apple crisp pan with mix and a crock pot. I also got one present from my dad and his gf and it was a 4-cup coffee pot. I really appreciate everything I got for it's stuff that I needed, but I just find it funny. I mean, you know you're growing up when you're getting a crock pot and a coffee maker for X-mas. I was talking to my friend Austin about it last night and he said, "It sounds like you're 40 or something." I replied, "It's like I'm getting married...married to myself. Or married to my life."

Blah

So I haven’t posted in awhile. My “bad.” Thing is, I really haven’t had much to say as of late. Nothing too exciting has happened to me recently. I wasn’t able to go home this weekend and all I’ve been doing up here in Minneapolis is working at Target and sitting around staring at the walls. I’m bored. I cannot wait for Friday to come so that I can leave and just head back to good ol’ Iowa with my little monster of a cat.

Target, there’s something to talk about. You know…work wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for those damn visas, and especially Peter. Peter is one of the head cashiers at Target and he’s the main source of my hatred of Target right now. I understand that promoting redcards (the Target Visa card) is just a part of my job and I understand that I’m not exactly promoting enough…but how could I forget how “important” these redcards are when I’m harassed about them every day that I work?! Stupid Peter is always coming up to my lane clapping his hands and singing some little stupid ditty about me getting some redcards, “Liz wants some redcards and she’s going to get some” he’ll sing. I just smile and giggle as realistically as possible. Of course, I fail. Though I’ve worked there for over 3 months and have heard about all the stupid tactics to entrap Target consumers in to getting a card, Peter still seems to think that I forgot or something. He’s always reminding me of different things to say stuff and different ways to approach people. The other day, he made me role play with him…I fucking hate role playing! A couple days ago…he began to talk to me about redcards again and said, “Ok, why don’t we role play?” I answered enthusiastically, “Haven’t we already done this?” Heehee, great team spirit eh? Oh…it’s just so annoying.

Lately I’ve been having trouble sleeping, maybe it’s nerves or something. But last night I’m laying in bed and waiting for sleep to claim me when I hear Matt and Emily talking about me in the living room. They were talking about what would happen if I were to move out. Earlier that night, Emily had asked me if I planned on moving out. I think she has always suspected I would since I always go home and don’t really enjoy my time her. I told her that I was thinking about it, but had no set plans to do so. She then made the comment that Matt had considered moving in if I moved out. Matt was quick to jump in and say, “I’m not trying to push you out or anything.”
But when they were talking last night, it wasn’t like “Well IF she moves out…” They were discussing where they would put certain things and they were talking about rearranging and all this shit. Whatever. I should stay up here just to ruin their plans.
Yeah…I guess that’s what’s going on with me at the moment. Blah…

"Been an Avid Smoker since I was Five."

The coolest thing happened when I woke up this morning: I couldn’t talk. Well, I could, but it sounded like a loud and strained whisper.
For the past few days, I have been on the ill side. Each day I’ve gone through a different sick phase. The first day my throat hurt, the second day my throat was itchy and I was a bit congested, the third day I was really congested, and today I just can’t talk. And I am totally loving it! Hehe, when I woke up this morning, I just kept talking to myself cause I thought it sounded really cool. It’s rare that I lose my voice when I’m sick and I’ve always envied people who have. I’ve had hopes before when I’ve been sick, but then I’d just clear my throat and my voice would be clear again. But no matter how much I try to clear my throat today, I still don’t have much of a voice! Usually I don’t notice how quiet I am or how much I don’t talk, but today I find myself just wanting to talk to everyone…and then I realize how I really have no one to talk to. Wow, that sounds sad. I mean like in class…I just don’t speak out or anything.
I have to work tomorrow at Target and I wonder if my voice will still be all crackly and frog-like. If it is, I think I might just tell people that I’ve been an avid smoker since the age of five.But yeah, anyone else think it’s cool to not be able to talk when you’re sick?

Satanic Kitty

My cat has turned towards Satanism

Leeloo

Click here to see pictures of my Leeloo, my new kitty!

Halloween Happenings

My boyfriend, Jay, and my best friend, Rachel, came up from Iowa to celebrate Halloween with me. Oh what a Halloween it was!

Rachel dressed up as a “sexy pirate” and Jay and I went as the two main characters from the movie “The Fifth Element.” He was the Bruce Willis character and wore a dyed orange tank top with rectangular holes cut in the back and had on black pants that had holes in them and then black boots. I was Leeloo and had orange hair, a white shirt that bared my WHOLE midriff, really tight brown/golden pants, orange suspenders, and black boots.

Saturday night we hopped on the bus to downtown and headed to the club Tropix. Rachel and Jay had been chugging Vodka before we left and so needless to say, they were a bit annoying on the way there. Jay kept yelling out things on the bus and I kept on telling him to just shut up. While walking there, he kept yelling out at the cars passing by and at other people dressed up who walked by. It was fun though. Hehe, we were at this stoplight waiting for the walk signal to come on and as this SUV drove by, Jay lifted up Rachel’s skirt to show off her underwear, which was met by some much approved “wooing.”

At Tropix, they have an area for 15-20-year-olds and an area for 18 and up. For the first part of the night, we hung out in the 15-20 area for that was where there were the most people and the most dancing. At my first club, I had trouble getting into things and dancing, but Saturday night I got right into it. Jay loves to dance and go to clubs and it felt good to do something with him that he enjoyed. It was a bit harder for Rachel though for she had never been to a club before, but she had Jay and I to blend in with, so she did fine.

So, there were these two guys at the club who were dressed all in black with trench coaches and baggy pants, and they were just kind of standing off to the side, but close to where we were dancing. I started to get closer and closer to one of them, and before I knew it, his hands were on me and he was dancing with me. I grabbed a hold of Jay and gave him a weird look but Jay just said, “I don’t care if you dance with another guy, just do it!” So, I was dancing with this guy who was behind me and I had Jay in front of me and Rachel was behind him. Then the other guy got behind Rachel and we just had this line of five people dancing, which was just so fun! Save for the fact that I was pretty much getting molested, but I guess I kind of asked for it with my outfit. The guys hands were just all over me, going up and down and here and there. I guess the guy behind Rachel was touching Jay’s chest and ass too, haha. At another time, Rachel, Jay, and I were standing on the outskirts of the dancers and were cooling off a bit. Jay and I started to dance a little bit and then this guy just came up behind me and started dancing with me. Then Jay grabbed me, picked me up and started dancing with me like that, and as he did this, the other guy grabbed me and tried to take me off of Jay, but Jay wouldn’t let go. The guy left and went after another girl. Jay said that that was not cool and the guy was drunk. Eeks! That was “lovely.”

Later on, we headed into the 18 and over room and danced in there. I had some guy that was 21 or over that came and started dancing with me. Again, his hands were all over me and I had to move his hands to “safer places” at times. I didn’t dance with him for too long though for Jay got onto one of the tabletops and started dancing, and then I joined him. Heh, I can’t believe I actually got up there in front of everyone and danced. And I wasn’t even drunk! It was fun though for people were watching us and everything. Jay was doing his little stripper moves and getting attention that way. Around 2 am, Rachel was feeling tired and sick so we left the club. On our way back to Hennepin to catch a taxi, we watched as a white Jeep Cherokee rammed into the side of a dark Audi. Ooh, the Audi driver was pissed! While waiting for a cap, we witnessed this gay guy in heels and a skirt get pushed down onto the street by some homophobe. Yeah…you have to “love” the cities. Our taxi driver was pretty interesting. He talked of how he wanted to be a rapper and be on American Idol. Every person that we passed by in the cab was giving the driver the finger because he wasn’t stopping. One person even yelled, “You bitch!” at him. The driver said to us in his Middle Eastern accent, “Can you believe that, she just called me a bitch. What’s with that?”

We arrived home around 3 in the morning and then headed to bed, weary from the nights happenings. And that concludes my first Halloween in the big cities.

Hobbits!

Hobbits used to inhabit Earth!

Sleepless in Minneapolis

I was so tired this morning and just did not want to get up and I’ve been feeling that way lately. I guess it doesn’t help having Emily as a roommate. Last night I was awoken around midnight by Emily’s pleas of distress. She was giving her mice some medicine for they were sick and I guess something bad happened for she yelled out, “Matt! I think my mouse is choking!” (Matt’s her boyfriend.) Matt was in her room on the computer and said, “Well, what’s it doing?”
Emily replied, “It just stopped breathing!” Then I listened in agony and Emily began to sob and cry. (Agony because I wanted sleep.) Hehe, it was kind of funny though, and I know I sound so mean, but it’s funny because Matt is not a very good comforter and all he could come up with to say to Emily was, “Oh baby, don’t cry…don’t freak out Emily.” So then Emily called up her Aunt…at midnight and right when her aunt answers the phone, Emily is bawling and cries out, “It’s Emily, can you help me!” Now…if someone were to call and wake me up at midnight and they’re crying and saying “Help me!” I’d fucking freak out! Emily continues on, “Something’s wrong with my mouse!”

Anyway, so I guess it got all cleared up. Her mouse started to act normal again and such I guess. Emily continued to sob a little and I heard Matt say, “Baby come here.”
“No.” said Emily. “Come here,” she whined.“Emily! I really have to get this done.” Said Matt. (He was doing homework on the comp.) Hehe, I just find it so funny…just how “comforting” Matt is.

Little Leeloo

I Went to Iowa this weekend and returned home with a kitten. For awhile now I’ve been wanting a kitten to pass the lonely nights here in Minneapolis. I just wanted something to play with, something to occupy my attention and get my mind on other matters than the people I left back in Iowa. Since a little girl, I’ve always been around cats, and I just love them, so I knew that if I were to get one, it’d make my life up here just a little nicer.

Six weeks ago, my mom’s 6-toed cat had kittens and I saw this as my opportunity. I wasn’t too optimistic about the idea though for my roommate used to be really allergic to cats and I already had asked about it before and my landlady and roommate and her parents did not seem too happy about the idea. But my landlady Ok’d it as long as it was ok with Emily (my roommate) and her family. Wow, that was quite the ordeal. Emily has tons of pets, most of them are arachnids, and she felt it only fair that I also get to have a pet. Her bf has a cat and she’s not allergic to it so she felt her allergies would be fine, but her parents were something else. They tried to convince her that the cat would sneak into her room and purposely knock over all her cages and such. Emily started to worry about every little thing and was going on these message boards and posting things like “Cats and Arachnids” and “Cats and Rats” and “How do I cat-proof my room?” It was humorous, but very annoying. She kept asking me things like, “What should I do with this, do you think the cat will get in this, should I move this here, what if I do this??” Agh!

But anyway, I have the kitten now. She’s brownish with stripes and a tortoise-shell-like back. Here and there she has a few orange spots and her two front paws have 5 toes. She’s just the cutest thing! When Emily’s brother saw her he said that she was the cutest cat he’s ever seen. (Oh, I love gloating about my new kitten J ) So far, she’s been such a great kitten. On the drive up from Iowa, she just slept in my lap the whole time. At one point, she curled up on the back of my neck and against the seat and slept for awhile. She’s been running around the house and swatting at invisible things. I keep her in my room at night and last night, she slept with me the whole night. I just LOVE to have a cat sleep with me in my bed, there’s just something so lovely about it.

As for a name? I have decided on Leeloo. Ever seen the movie Fifth Element? Leeloo is the orange-hair kick ass chick in the movie, and that’s also who I’m dressing up as for Halloween. : ) Tonight, Emily and I are going to go to Petsmart and have Leeloo model some collars for us and then we’ll get one of those and we’ll also get a tag made for her.
Ahh, she’s perched up on my shoulder and sleeping right now. I’m so happy.

Don't Take my Picture, it's Been a Bad Day

All of yesterday, I just felt that I did not want today to come. I just dreaded today, and I also dreaded the thought of having to work at Target today. Well, this morning I found out that Target was probably the least of my worries. As I got up and got ready for my first class, I noticed that my duplex keys and the keys to my bike lock were gone. I’ve misplaced them before so I wasn’t too worried, just slightly annoyed. As I made my rounds through the rooms and looked at the few places where I usually placed them, I began to get more and more worried as I couldn’t spy them. Long story short, I didn’t make it to my first class. I spent much of this morning trying to find them through the house. Usually I put them in the living room either on the couch or on the floor near the couch, so that’s where I spent the duration of my “looking time.” As I threw off the cushions of the couch, lifted up the rug and pulled the sofa out, I yelled out curses, as I just couldn’t find anything. I shoved my hands down the crevices of the couch and found nothing but crumbs and other oddities. I was really starting to give up hope. I just wanted to cry and scream and just plain bitch to no end. I wanted to throw a fucking fit. I checked over places three or four times, knowing that there was probably no hope of finding it there as I had already looked.
It was about my fifth time looking under the couch when I noticed a little flap of fabric that had been slightly ripped off at the side at the bottom of the couch, and I could see inside to the bottom of the couch. I placed my hand inside and felt around but felt nothing. Then I bounced my hand on it and heard the very satisfying sound of jangling keys. “Oh my fucking God!” I thought. I hastily tipped the couch up and shook it, again hearing the jangle of keys. I reached my hand inside felt my keys and pulled them out. I stared at them with such hatred and anger and shock and I threw them down on the floor as I said, “You fucking fuckers!”
Agh, well I missed one of my classes because of those stupid keys. At least I’m not missing my other one.
Stupid, fucking keys.

Holy Hell...

Last night was quite interesting… I had called some of my friends to joke with them about all the new things I was experiencing up here in the great city of Minneapolis. Reason that I was joking was because one of the things that I am now being surrounded by that I never had before is pot smoking. Last night one of Emily’s friends who’s a 40-year-old alcoholic came over and he brought some pot and opium with him. As Emily, and her few friends sat around the living room and smoked a bowl, I just looked on and laughed inside. I came to Minneapolis for a different experience, and what I got were potheads.
But last night was even more interesting as I was introduced to something totally new, something that I have never experienced before.
Before coming up here, I heard that this was a safe neighborhood and such. Well last night, just literally a couple blocks down the road, the street was blocked off and barricaded and there were police everywhere! I knew something was up, for when I came back home at 2 am from hanging out with Ian, the roads were still barricaded, police were still everywhere, and news stations with their camera crews were standing off to the side of all this.
My home page on Internet is one of the news stations up here and so I’ve been checking it to see what was going on. This is what happened.
There was a fucking shooting last night! I’ve never been remotely near where there had been a shoot-out, and to just have it a couple blocks away from me! It’s insane! Hehe, but I kind of laugh about it. I don’t know, it doesn’t really scare me. I just think it’s slightly funny for I came up here to experience something knew, and then just after about 2 months of being here, there’s a shooting that happens just down the street. So, I’ve experienced pot smokers and a shoot-out, what’s next? A rendezvous with a drag queen?