"Romantic"

The prior entry got me thinking on another topic. Before my first relationship (with Jay) I would always imagine all the things that I could do for my bf. I just wanted to do little unique things that a lot of people didn’t do, like leaving funny poems or weird little gifts for him. I also thought of how I would love little things like that, but I knew that it would most likely not happen. I probably wouldn’t wake up to find little presents or maps that would send me on some sort of hunt. So, I knew that I would have to do it for my bf. But as I had no boyfriend, I could only imagine. Movies like Amelie inspired me. While watching it, oh how I craved that someone would do something for me like Amelie did for her love. And then I got Jay, and my creative mind was free to wander and create. I’ve done little things like leave poems with a funny edge under his car windshield wipers and such. I’ve also left weird gifts and notes for him at the video drop off at his job. For Valentines Day, I tried to do something different. I got him something like 6 different presents and put them into 6 separate Tupperware containers and put locks on them. There’s a bit more to the story…but…yeah… For his birthday presents, I made Jay answer some sort of question that related to me…things that he should know by that point in that relationship. Heehee, a sort of test. In May-June, Jay and I didn’t see each other for 6 weeks because I went to Seattle for a week and when I got back he was in Cancun, and then I left for Europe for three weeks. I knew I had to do something BIG since we wouldn’t be seeing each other for so long. I bought a fish bowl and glued an assortment of colored tissue paper on the inside to make it colorful and such. I went through tons of magazines and found words and phrases and pictures that reminded me of Jay, me, or of both of us. I also went through my journals and took out little quotes and stuff of what I used to think of Jay and of what of him at that point. All of this stuff I glued onto colorful tag board and on the back I made some comment about it, and then placed them into the fishbowl. When Jay got back from Cancun, there was a cardboard box waiting for him at the Video Place – where he works – with the bowl inside, and also instructions. For the whole time that I was gone, he was to pick out a few things from there every day. I just thought it a way to have him think of me every day. And Jay enjoyed it, and that was the purpose. Before I came up to Minnesota, I made a scrapbook for Jay and I. It’s just about our beginnings to where we are now, and I put a bunch of pictures in there with little side notes and journal entries and the like. It took Jay almost an hour to go through the whole thing.

Now, I am not the only one who does these little things. In the beginning of Jay and I, he commented that he just wasn’t the kind of person to think of something creative like that. But then Jay found out that I held a certain liking for gnomes. I love garden gnomes and had always wanted one before, but I felt that if I were to have one, I couldn’t just have one bought for me at Wal-Mart, it’d have to be stolen from someone’s yard. Then the gnome will have a funny story to go with it. One night, Jay and I learned of a gnome in a State Center yard and he went to go get it for me. It was a really nice – and heavy – stone gnome. Heehee, I can still remember seeing Jay run back to the car, straining under the weight of that gnome. Oh, I love that gnome! When Jay went to Colorado for a week, he came back and made me do this little hunt around his house to find these little plastic gnomes that he stole for me from some woman’s yard. The little adventure was so great, for it was like a story where these gnomes ran away from these enemies and I had to go rescue them from trees. So great! Also, when I returned to Europe, Jay had written a funny poem for me in which I was called the “little whore from Wales.”

My friend Rachel made the comment to me one time after learning of one of my little surprises for Jay. “I love your little romantic doings, it’s unique.” Yeah, I write poems and leave gifts for Jay, and he steals gnomes for me. Fucking romantic.

Utterly Flattered

There are certain songs out there that I just would love to have been the inspiration for, or at least had had the song written for me. I remember listening to this one song by the Flaming Lips in which they say, “Do you realize that you have the most beautiful face,” and I just said to my friend Rachel that I’d be so flattered if that song had been written for me. Looking back, I can remember making a few comments to Jay about it, but they were just purely comments, I was not hinting AT ALL. I never even dreamt that Jay would even think of writing a song for me, it just never crossed my mind. Even when I began to teach him guitar and he started strumming little things of his own.

When I saw Jay on Friday, he said that he had a surprise for me a little later on. Surprises from Jay have always been great, so I was dying to see what it would be. When we got to his house and went to his room, my guitar was laying on the bed with a piece of paper by it with a few written sentences on it. My first thought was that he was writing a song for me, but I didn’t think too seriously about it. But indeed, Jay had written a song for me! Well technically, he’s still in the process of writing it, but whatever. I just couldn’t believe he had actually felt compelled to write a song, and just because of me! It just amazes me. And the thing is, it’s his first song on guitar, and it was me that he had on his mind. The song’s about me being alone up in Minneapolis and he’s pretty much telling me that I’m not really ever alone and that it hurts him to know that I feel that way. Hehe, hope I’m not embarrassing him or anything…)

Not to sound corny or anything, but it was just the sweetest thing to hear him strum the tune and sing along to it. I love how the strumming sounds; the chords go really well together and it just sounds sweet and calming, almost like a modern lullaby or something. Kind of like “Goodbye and Farewell” by Smashing Pumpkins, only not quite so lullabyish.

Oh, I’m just so flattered by what Jay did, and I just had to write about it.

Iowa was none too kind

I have returned “home” from my journey home to Iowa. Oh I was the happiest girl in the world, and also the biggest dweeb, as I drove into my hometown of State Center. I had the biggest smile on my face and was giggling…pure dweeb. It just felt so good to be back in my little town of 2,000 people.

It was kind of weird to go back home. Already, it’s starting to not even feel quite like home. My room didn’t feel as inviting; it just felt so vacant and old. I didn’t like to see the bare spots where some of my possessions used to belong. Sleeping in my room was not the same either, something just didn’t feel right. But then again, when I took up my usual post at the kitchen island and began to watch some quality tv that I have missed for a week, it felt as though I had never left. Ah well.

During my stay, State Center has wronged me, and I just don’t understand why. I always speak highly of Iowa and of State Center, no matter how many other residents, as well as non-residents, put it down. I talked of how I could leave my car unlocked in the drive-way with my keys in the ignition and I’d never even have to worry. Well, this morning I get into my car to go down to Casey’s to get a couple o’ donuts. As I get in, I notice that my glove box is open and I find that strange for I hadn’t gotten into it. Then I look at the floor and see that the adapter to my cd player is just lying there, and there is no cd player. Also, my little “book” of cds wasn’t in my car. Someone stole my fucking cd player and cds! They got my fucking Franz Ferdinand and Modest Mouse!!!! Ooh, I was so pissed off! The cops were called but none were available and so…now I’m back in Minneapolis without a portable cd player and missing some of my beloved cds. Now I’m looking back on it and kind of laughing. I mean, it IS funny. I talked so highly of State Center and how it’s so safe and trusting there…and then my shit gets stolen out of my car. Yeah, it’s funny. It was probably one of the kids of a younger generation. I really am not liking what kids these days are turning into. Kids are just becoming worse and worse at a younger age and we just have these little hoodlums running around State Center breaking into and vandalizing shit. A couple kids this summer were breaking into concession stands and pop machines, and even into the library to steal money. Stupid kids….
But oh well, so my cd player and cds got stolen. It’s nothing that will stop me from living. Though State Center wasn’t the nicest to me this time, I’ll still be going back this Thursday night and staying until Monday. Oh yes, I want to go back already.

Country Roads Take Me Home

Just a side note…I really like that John Denver song. I just love singing out loud along with it. Onto other things though. Today I will be making my return back to my native land of Iowa. Yesterday while talking to my friend Austin, I made the comment that I was so glad to be coming home. “Iowa’s not your home anymore Liz.” Austin had said to me. Sure, I am living in a new place and so technically no, Iowa is not my home, but I think that no matter where I live, Iowa will always be home to me. I love Iowa. Go ahead, mock me. My friends think I’m joking when I say this and can’t believe it, but it’s true. I really do love the place. And I cannot wait to get back! Oh, when I see the Iowa sign, I’m going to be the happiest girl in the world, and oh when I drive down Main Street in State Center, I’ll be full of bliss. I can’t wait to go on a walk through State Center with Jay tonight. It’ll be great.

Now don’t get me wrong, I really do like Minneapolis. But I’m still going through that adjustment period. It’s a new chapter of my life and it’s hard. I’m sure that within a week or two, I’ll be pretty well adjusted and hopefully by then I’ll have made some friends. (All I want are friends!!!!)
So, headed off to Iowa in a couple o’ hours. Back to the fields of corn! Oh boy, I can’t wait. (Let’s go tip some cows!)

Moody Weather

I was having this discussion with my brother last week about the weather and how it affects your mood. (Or maybe if your mood affects the weather.) I'm just kind of curious if anyone else feels the same as I do or is affected by weather like I am.

I never used to think that weather could have such an impact on me, so much to the point that it could really determine how I felt about a certain day. It wasn't until recently that I began to realize this. I've noticed that overcast days and rainy days tend to make me...not exactly depressed, but just not as motivated and as cheerful. I mean, I could have just this great day where everything went really well, but if it happened to rain that day or just be overcast and such, and I'm looking back on it, I just have a weird feeling about the day. But if it were to have been sunny and such, the day is still fresh and great in my mind.

I just love sunny days when the sun is shining brightly and the colors of the flowers and leaves are bright and beaming. Those are the days that make me the happiest.

After I told Ian about this, he said that sometimes he felt that his mood affected the weather. In talking to Jay last night, he commented that it's done nothing but rain ever since I left State Center. Well dur, that's because everyone's so sad that I left!

Feelin' Betta'

I'm feeling a little more chipper since yesterday. No more pity for me! I had a few good conversations with Jay which lifted my spirits and I just don't feel quite as weighted down anymore.

So what did I do today? Well, I went to class. I had general psychology and european history today. Psychology is interesting, but all we're doing is taking a lot of notes and it's just kind of boring. European history is not too exciting either, I find myself zoning off quite a bit in that class. After classes today, I headed down to Nicolet (sp?) Mall to get my drug test taken today. That was "fun." After that I went grocery shopping and stocked up on some lean cuisine. Yeah, I was getting some lean cuisine and there was this 5 cheese lasangna one that I REALLY wanted but it was too high and too far back for me to reach. Hehe, I ended up having to ask someone else to get it for me. Ahh, the joys of being short. Don't know what I'm going to do tonight, don't have any plans. (of course I don't) Just going to do my wee bit o' homework and play with the rats I guess. Blah....

Target Chick

Another task has been done. One major thing I needed to do in moving up here was getting a job, and I think I have one secured for me. Today I ventured over to Target and filled out an application on this computer that took super long. It was also super annoying…and a super bit dumb. (Super eh?) It took around a half hour to do, and that was annoying enough, but then at the end of it, it asked you 60 questions about yourself. The questions consisted of asking how positive you were and things like that. One question asked, “How do you feel about your life right now? Great, Okay, Can’t Cope.” Hmm, now let me think about how I should answer that, I mean…who would answer can’t cope?! They were all just the kind of questions where you wouldn’t always answer truthfully, but instead you’d pick the answer that you knew they’d want to hear. So then I had a couple interviews and it sounds like I’ll be getting the job. The only thing I need to do is pass the drug test, and I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to do that. (Hopefully all the pot fumes floating through this house don’t alter my results!)
So, I’ll be a Target Cashier girl. It’s a job I’d never thought I’d have, and never really cared to have. I get nervous around people and if I screw something up, I know I’ll get all embarrassed and red in the face and such. But oh well, I need the money. I’ll embarrass myself for a little cool cash. Oh and hey, I get a 10% discount. Yeah, eat it!

Alone and Down in Minneapolis

The beginning is always the hardest part. This is something that I have learned from my various experiences in life. When entering into any new chapter of your life, the beginning will always be the hardest part, the part that you have to work through, and then it’ll get better from there on. So in moving to Minneapolis, I knew that my first few days would most likely be my worst. Well, it hasn’t gotten any better, in fact, it’s only gotten worse. Before, it was a little easier to push the stressors away, to not think of who I had left and of what I had left. But now it’s all rushing at me and weighing heavily on my shoulders. I try to think of the positives, but it just doesn’t seem to help.

Though I hate to say this, Jay – my bf – is one of the main reasons that I’m feeling so down. It’s not because I fear that in our time apart we’ll lose feelings for one another or anything, definitely not. We’ve found that time apart from each other – like the 6 weeks when I went to Europe and Seattle and he to Cancun – our feelings only grew stronger. The thing is, we just don’t get to see each other as often as we used to, and we’re not really a phone couple, it just doesn’t quite work for us. Jay and I have both talked and we have both acknowledged that we know that everything will be ok for us, for we don’t need to see each other to still have feelings. It just hurts us both to not be able to see one another as often as we’d both like. And I hate waiting around and wondering if Jay will call, and I hate calling him for I feel like I do it too much and I’m pestering him. But other than Jay, I’m just feeling alone in this big city. I left everything and I have to start over entirely. I mean, I come home to my empty duplex and just sit around in hopes that maybe the phone will ring or someone will text me or maybe even e-mail me. But even if this does happen, it’s a happiness that only lasts for a short while, then I’m sitting around alone again and waiting for the next moment to come, to take me away from where I’m at right now. I thought that maybe school would help, but it hasn’t thus far. Granted, it is only the second day. I haven’t really talked to anyone – it being only the 2nd day and all – and so I still come back to an empty duplex and sit around again. I’m jus not enjoying life right now, but I know it’ll get better and I’m just waiting for that to happen. Of course, I can’t just sit around and wait for it to happen. I’ll start applying for a few jobs tonight and when a job starts, that will be something else to occupy my time and hopefully get my mind on other things.

I’m going home this Friday and coming back Sunday. I just can’t wait for Friday to come, to go back home to see my friend Rachel, and to spend some time with Jay. In talking to Jay last night, I found out that he’s slightly dreading my coming. It’s not because he doesn’t want to see me, he assured me that he DOES want to see me, but he knows it’s going to painful to see me leave. When he left Minneapolis from his visit here to see me, we were both crying. Jay knows that when I leave, it will probably be painful and it’s just something he doesn’t want to go through again. But you have to face reality, and the reality is that this is what we have to do. Our time that we spend together will consist of these brief meetings. It’s just something we have to deal with, though it’s painful as hell. But I told Jay to be positive about it. Though it’s painful, we will be seeing each other, and that’s all that really matters.
Uhh, love sucks!

Oh Boy...

It is just now starting to hit me that I really, and truly am living in Minneapolis. It's just so hard to get used to. I mean, I moved here from a little town in Iowa called State Center which has a population of around a whopping two thousand people. There are no stoplights in this town and hardly anyone pays attention to the stop signs there. I'd go for daily walks in my town and every person I saw I either knew or recognized. In State Center, I would leave my car unlocked in the drive-way with my keys in the ignition. Here, my brother told me that it's not a bad idea to take the seat off my bike when I lock it up. Oh, I just feel so naive here! When I take my daily walk, I feel as though I have a neon sign above my head that says: "I'm from Iowa! Mock me!" It wasn't until my boyfriend Jay came up that I actually began to feel as though I were a part of the city. With him, I had more confidence to actually venture out into the city and try to find out where some interesting spots were. With Jay, and directions from my brother, we found Sculpture Park and we went to the free Como Zoo. I've also found out where a local grocery store and Target are...plus I know how to get to the Rosedale Mall. But as I'm strapped for cash at the moment and in need of a job, I don't think I'll be taking a trip to the latter place for a wee bit.

Minneapolis/St. Paul is huge! I've never been put in a situation like this before, where I was just pretty much alone. Sure, I have Ian, but I can't rely on him for everything. He can't hold my hand as I venture through this city. Though it'll be hard, it's something I'll have to do on my own.

Classes start tomorrow. I'm slighly nervous about classes, which is understandable. It's my first day at college and all. But on the flip side, I'm also relieved to have classes start. It will give me something to do, set me in some sort of routine, and I'll have the chance to actually meet some people. I just need to do something to get my mind off of the people and things I left back home. I mean, it was just so painful to have Jay leave me last night. Heh, I never knew I could break down so much for just one person...

So thought it'll be hard and I'll have to step outside of my comfort zone from time to time, I know it's nothing that I can't handle. Minneapolis, here I come!