Writing and Raving

I haven't written an actual entry in awhile....well, "actual" in terms of where I'm at and how I'm feeling. I just bought a new journal today and was writing in it a wee while ago, so I think I'll share, though I've left some stuff out... : )


I've been in a writing slum lately; I use "slum" for I have no better word to describe it. Tony has begun to get more interested in writing; he has started writing brief passages in a notebook and even read some of them to me last night as we laid in bed awaiting sleep. He turned on the light beside his bed, took out his notebook and began. And later as we laid in wait and silence, he piped up, "Will you help me work on a story?"

Interesting, never thought I'd hear him say that. He even told me once that since becoming friends with me, his writing has greatly improved and he thanks me for some of it. Wow.

But as I have read his stuff, I find myself feeling dismayed and envious. I like the way he writes and describes situations; he really takes a moment in and describes it fully in feeling and thought. In reading his stuff, I feel that I really have nothing special, that my writing really will never go anywhere.
It sucks, it's a horrible feeling to feel like a failure.

I've been throwing fits lately; fits aimed at Tony and the World. I feel broken down, bruised, and cheated. I feel like I've been dealt a bad hand. But aren't these the stereotypical feelings of a stereotypical person my age? I feel that I'm going through something that no one else has had to deal with, but isn't just stereotypical too? I hate the thought that my pains and anguish are just expected of me.
Whatever, I know the intensity of what I'm going through. I know it's not stereotypical; I know it's not bullshit.

It feels like my heart is being broken every day. I'm reminded of this daily with thoughts, feelings, conversations, actions and even just from sight. What's worse, I've begun the course of a new crush on a boy of 19 (no, he doesn't seem to be that young) and I feel confused about what actions to take. End the things that make me feel comfortable (for now at least) and try to pursue something I don't know the outcome of, or just sit back and miss out on something that I might be able to attain? I can't stop thinking about him, I can't stop daydreaming about the possibilities. But I also can't stop thinking about what could go wrong: more heartbreak, more devastation, an uncomfortable friendship.

I'm the only one who can get myself out of this mess, but I constantlly refuse to help myself. The exits are all around me; the pro's proportionally outweight the cons, and I'm still closing myself off to it all. I don't listen to the positives of exiting. It's fear that keeps me in; it's fear that keeps me from stepping out and saving myself.

I'm putting my blinders on.

Ha, sounds pretty dramatic eh? Yeah, so I am dealing with some shit that only a few people know about. It sounds bad, but I've been dealing with it for almost a year now. It's been hard, and though it feels like too much at times, I know honestly that it's not. I can deal with it, I just don't want to. And yeah, my entry is vague.

Yeah.

Makin' Chili and Watchin' Videos

Why didn't we ever play this in my high school band?

Leprachauns!

Poor Grannie.

Thank You...

Thank you to rathergood.com for giving me my first taste of Electric Six.

I think it was a few years ago that I first saw this?

Headed Out to a Gay Bar...

The show at First Ave (Electric Six) on Friday was VERY good. I ended up taking a guy I work with who did not know the band, and I can happily say that he left the show a fan. I got to see Joe while I was there which was nice, as I haven't seen him in so long. Joe, Caleb, and I headed out into the crowd after the second opening band and made a spot for ourselves in the front. The crowd got a bit intense at times where we were at; people were just pushing against one another. It was like a wave of bodies. We were more on the side of the whole thing, but at times people would get pushed up against me. Heehee, Joe was standing behind me and every time I looked back, I just started cracking up. He had this stance, to keep himself stable, and he had one fist in the air that he shook as he sang.

After the show, I left with ringing ears and dropped Caleb off at his car so he could go home to bed, and then I headed into Uptown to pick up Tony's sick ass from his uncles and take care of him. And now I am sick...thank you Tony.

I'm a Hipster?

Thanks to Ian, I'm going to the Electric Six concert at First Avenue tomorrow; thank you Ian. : ) Only thing is, I have two tickets and Tony is working tomorrow night and is not able to get it off, but his fried Eric might be able to go with me. Don't know yet... My friend Joe will be there, so that'll be cool as I haven't hung out with him for a few months now? Sad.
And then on Easter Sunday I'm going to the Yeah Yeah Yeah's concert with Tony.
Heh, it's taken me a year and a half to finally get into the scene here and start going to First Ave.

So, I'm curious. What's a hipster? Because, I guess I am one? There's this guy who always comes through my lane who I've befriended, I guess you could say. I'm guessing he's in his older 20's and he has a gf and he told me one time that they both think I'm cool and in saying this, he told me he'd invite me over sometime to one of their outdoor movie showings that they do every now and then with friends. One time when he came through my lane, he told me about the little "hipster" sale that was going on on Central and 34th a couple months ago. And then just a few days ago, he and his gf were talking to me and...shit, I can't remember what we were talking about, but he had commented, "Well, you're a hipster aren't you? You look like a hipster."

What the hell is a hipster?

Oh...

My God...

I can't believe how funny these clips are, and I can't believe I had never tried to view them before!


First


Second

Pictures are Ready

I have finally updated all of my Chicago pictures. I put up 3 or more folders on my site. Enjoy!

YEAH!

I just bought tickets for the Yeah Yeah Yeahs show at First Ave on the 16th of April.

Fuck yes...

Though Joe says that the tickets were too expensive ($25), I really do not care, for I have paid $40 for shitty seats to see performances in Ames, Iowa.


I've updated my Chicago pictures.

And...

Pictures!

They are not all up yet though as I have so many, but I DO have the ones up from the Sears Tower.

And for an update, Leeloo has a cyst and is having surgery.

I Dropped 7

The other day I bought a brand new roadbike; it's a Trek 1000 and only weighs 20. Oh yeah... I can't wait to start ridind that thing!

Leaving for Chicago in a couple of days, should be a nice break from Minneapolis. I've been to Chicago once but I'm sure this will be a much better trip.

I have found a lump on Leeloo's belly. It's upsetting.