The First Revision

Here is the revision of my story that I presented to my creative writing class. Well, to two people in my class anyways. The guy who was in my group said that he really liked the story; he liked the way the environment reflected what was going on with the boy. He liked the little vagueness for anyone who reads the story could make it their own.

I have also put it on here for my friend Rachel should be coming to the site soon to read it, and I'm just trying to get as much feedback as possible.

There once was a boy who lived in a land of plenty. His childhood days were sunny and warm and full of many things to do. He lived with a loving family in a little brown house atop a small hill that overlooked the surroundings lands that resembled a vast green ocean. Day after day he’d play in the misty green grass with his brother and there never seemed to be a cloud in the sky.
But as the boy grew older, his days became darker. Nights were an inky black which even the strongest light could not penetrate. Paths that crossed distant hills and far off lands, once seen by day, were now obscured by thick clouds that dragged themselves across a forlorn sky, blocking out the warming rays of the sun.
Demons came to visit the boy and instead of shutting them out, he invited them in. He was a vulnerable boy at this time in his life. With obscured paths on the horizon, he felt lost. The demons kept him locked inside, not only within his house, but also within his mind. Days became darker and they meddled into one another. The boy put off everything. No longer did he still gaze out on the fogging hills to try and catch glimpses of what he had once been able to see, for he had lost interest in many things and his dreams had waned. He let time slip slowly by and without a thought. Others looked on with fear, family and friends. But with his hood pulled up, he seeemed untouchable to everyone.

His friends left to seek greater things, his family grew, but the boy remained the same.

Then one day, the boy chanced a glance out the window; his world had grown far darker since he last remembered. He saw his reflection in the window and pulled down his hood to reveal his face. How much he had grown, how much he had never realized. He touched his face and his fears were confirmed: it really was himself that he saw staring back. But there was something else that scared him. He could see the hint of his demons within his face. It now became apparent that they were slowly consuming him; he was only feeding his demons and making things worse.
Suddenly an anger arose within the bo;, anger with himself for letting his world get so dark, for allowing life to just pass him by. He cast out his demons and shut the door on them.

The next morning, he left.

He traveled day and night, for they seemed to be just a continuum of one another; it seemed day never ended and night never began. He traveled with his hood pulled tight for he felt utterly alone and at times hopeless.
But he trudged on with the feeling that this was the right thing to do. Upon sleep he dreamed of lands he had once glimpsed as a child and he awoke each morning with renewed vigor and set out to seek such places.
One day the boy came upon a very tall hill with sides that stretched out for miles. In the far distance of the sky, he could see its tones becoming lighter, even if only minutely, foreshadowing a hope of lands he dreamed of. He set out without hesitation and began to climb, and when he finally reached the top, he fell down on his knees and gaped at the beauty he saw before him. Miles and miles on he could see. In the far-off distance, he could see lands of deep green and skies of pearl blue. He threw back his hood and down the hill he began to descend.
With each passing day the sky turned a shade lighter. No longer was it an inky black, but instead a grand blue, and then an amber orange. Every day gave promise of much more. Paths were clearer and there were more and more that he came upon. The grass was fuller and the flowers ever so vibrantly colored.
But yet the boy knew that this was still yet the beginning. There were many paths to take, more hills to climb. He knew he’d happen upon gullies and brambles. But fear this, he did not. For whatever gully or bramble he came across, he knew there’d be brighter sunshine and even more paths to follow. He kept his eyes locked on the distant horizon in front of him and took each step with an unwavering heart.

And now there is a boy, who is turning into a man; he’s crossing roads he once could not see, and never chancing a look back at the things that used to be.